Spring has sprung, folks – at least, here in the northern hemisphere – and even if you've still got snow in the shady spot under the porch, it's time to shake off the winter blahs and get your fingers moving in a creative direction.


What am I talking about? The Post Writing Challenge, of course.


Read it and get cracking, you lazy writers. Your public is waiting. – DG

We know advertising, even if, unlike the present author, we've never had the dubious pleasure of perpetrating it for questionable fun and even more marginal profit. Advertising is the art of selling people things they do not know they want (before you tell them they do). To do this, you have to convince them that they need it, that they want it, that it will make them happier, healthier, and more attractive to the gender of their choice to own it.

Then you tell them about the special, one-time-only offer…

Here's a primer to get you started. Notice what it says: simpler is better. This is a good warning to the verbose among us: shorter is better, too. [Lazy editor's note.]

Advertising needs a hook. A hook is what the text I've linked to calls a 'grabber' – an attention-getting device. Most unsuccessful advertising fails because the hook is either

1. too obscure for the audience to understand (see example below)
2. clever, but unrelated to the commodity being sold (like mobile phone ads containing vampires), or
3. an idea that runs counter to the message desired (as in the immortal Stan Freberg's Alka-Seltzer ad, which was more suitable for selling spaghetti.)

A word in your shell-like ear: do NOT write advertising copy like the Swiss playwright Benjamin Franklin Wedekind. Wedekind, later known for his ground-breaking theatre work, was forced as a young man to seek actual gainful employment. (His father threw him out of the house for claiming he was a writer.) Wedekind was hired by the Maggi company – yeah, the packaged-soup-and-condiments people, this was back in 1887) to tout their products. He used quotes from Goethe, stuff like that, thus breaking Rule 1 above. If the word 'bilingual' doesn't mean 'speaks Spanish' to you, you might have enough of the German tongue to get something out of the quotes on this page. If not, be reassured that the title reads, 'He was young and needed the money.' 'Nuff said.

Okay, now that you have been informed as to the nature of the beast, here's your challenge:

Write, compose, draw or even film an ad. But – and here's the kicker – it has to be something you can't BUY. Something intangible but necessary, such as peace, math ability, or a decent sense of humour. You may OFFER TO SELL this commodity, but only in an impractical way. Take your payment in smileys, hugs, or guru sweat-equity, whatever.

As usual, the following rules apply:

1. There is no deadline. Whenever we get a minyan, we'll publish. Entries inspired/irritated by the original lot will be published later.
2. Entries may be in the form of prose, poetry (see Wedekind), art (like Willem's), 'art' (like mine), or even audio-visual material (we'll make the Aviators work on it, in that case).
3. Funny is good. Thoughtful is not necessary, but appreciated.
4. SHORT is preferable (see above). Wordy people are advised that 1000 words is the outside limit. Sheesh.
5. You get extra credit if we don't have to explain the joke to the Editor.
6. As usual, there are NO PRIZES. In case of a tie, there are still NO PRIZES. If you wanted to get rich and famous, you should have called Simon Cowell.

With all this exciting information and thrilling incentive, this writer CANNOT IMAGINE that you aren't all chomping at the bit to get started on this Post Challenge. So what are you waiting for?

Now I can just sit back and wait for the entries to roll in…hand me that cup of Maggi soup, will you?

Dmitri Gheorgheni

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