Alternative Theory of Relativity
Created | Updated Dec 23, 2003
Alternative Theory of Relativity
The closer a relative is to you, the less likely you are to do what they tell you to do. Unless they use reverse psychology, which you are likely to suspect that they will try.
This leads into the areas of chaos and uncertainty. The more chaotic things become, the more uncertain you and your relative are that the right thing will be done for the right reasons. If the right thing is done for the wrong reasons, then a balance is achieved, however tenuous. If the wrong thing is done for the right reasons, then a balance is needed, soon. And any free radical, such as, say, your brother-in-law, will be seized upon to facilitate this.
Which leads to the unified field theory and string theory. As relatives, you are committed to a metaphoric playing field that was agreed upon before you were born, by people you had no control over, who became, at least momentarily, unified. Until you reach the age of reason, or twenty-one, whichever comes first, they can string you along with any number of hypotheses and fallacies. Thereafter, you can use the same stringing technique to inveigle money and, later, if necessary, free childcare out of them.
Which leads to game theory and the four color map problem.
No matter how long you play the game on the unified field, you can never be sure who won, because, unless you are a candidate for the Pirates of Penzeance, you have and will have more than one relative.
Thus, the trophy will most likely be awarded by one or more obituarists. Many of your relatives will not be aware of your death until the obituary hits the family newsletter, meaning they won't have attended the funeral. They are not likely to attend your grave, either, because the cemetery's clerk has gotten one of those Hewlett-Packard color printers and has taken the second digit of your gravesite, say, 21, and overlaid it with a darker colored 'T' on the map...
The closer a relative is to you, the less likely you are to do what they tell you to do. Unless they use reverse psychology, which you are likely to suspect that they will try.
This leads into the areas of chaos and uncertainty. The more chaotic things become, the more uncertain you and your relative are that the right thing will be done for the right reasons. If the right thing is done for the wrong reasons, then a balance is achieved, however tenuous. If the wrong thing is done for the right reasons, then a balance is needed, soon. And any free radical, such as, say, your brother-in-law, will be seized upon to facilitate this.
Which leads to the unified field theory and string theory. As relatives, you are committed to a metaphoric playing field that was agreed upon before you were born, by people you had no control over, who became, at least momentarily, unified. Until you reach the age of reason, or twenty-one, whichever comes first, they can string you along with any number of hypotheses and fallacies. Thereafter, you can use the same stringing technique to inveigle money and, later, if necessary, free childcare out of them.
Which leads to game theory and the four color map problem.
No matter how long you play the game on the unified field, you can never be sure who won, because, unless you are a candidate for the Pirates of Penzeance, you have and will have more than one relative.
Thus, the trophy will most likely be awarded by one or more obituarists. Many of your relatives will not be aware of your death until the obituary hits the family newsletter, meaning they won't have attended the funeral. They are not likely to attend your grave, either, because the cemetery's clerk has gotten one of those Hewlett-Packard color printers and has taken the second digit of your gravesite, say, 21, and overlaid it with a darker colored 'T' on the map...
