The Book of Revelation, chapter one verse eight, has this to say about Everything:

"I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty."

The Almighty is nothing if not egocentric.

The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about Everything:

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers
exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will
instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more
bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

the Great Green Arkleseizure has this to say about Everything: "Geshunteit!"

The story so far...

In the beginning the Universe was created.

This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

The true reason why however, was not divulged until well after the unvierse was over.

I get ahead of myself.

Soon after the Universe was created, something called "The Big Bang" occurred. Now, this is where things get complicated for some, and others simply go "oh!" and still others are still looking for the remote control device so they can change the channel.

The Universe was created FIRST. THEN came the Big Bang. NOT the other way around.

And quite unceremoniously, the Big Bang keeps coming, oh, say every few hundred millenia or so. Sometimes more often than that, provided..

Well... provided the people inside the Universe become smarter than they're supposed to be.

Whoops. Sorry. Getting ahead of myself again.

In fact, one of these too-intelligent-for-their-own-good races invented a mega-super-computer, designed to factor the answer to the question of Life, The Universe, and Everything. This computer's name was Deep Thought, and it factored out the answer as a very simple one: forty-two.

This has boggled and perplexed scholars for ages, and made for very good philosophical cannon fodder on the talk show circuit.

Deep Thought explained that the dilemma was that he was only designed to factor the ANSWER to the QUESTION of Life, the Universe, and Everything. That there was to be ANOTHER computer to come after him, which would be able to properly utter the QUESTION itself.

He named this super-mega-ultimate-computer "The Earth." The Earth went along factoring things for quite some time, unbeknownst to the small creatures that evolved on the computer's surface. For the computer was in fact so monstrously huge, it was housed inside an artificial planet made by the infamous artificial planet building company on Magrathea.

In fact, the Earth went along, spinning in space factoring it's little equation for so long, most inhabitants of the Universe forgot it was even there much less what it was doing. Then, just moments before it was going to solve the Ultimate Dillemma of Life, the Universe and Everything, the computer was destroyed by the Vogons to make way for a hyperspace bypass, and the question to the answer of forty-two was seemingly lost forever.

That was of course, before the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, MARK TWO.

It's specialty was temporal reverse engineering, which it did well. With temporal reverse engineering, it opened a rift in the space time continuum, creating an endless number of multiverses that dated back as far as the beginning of time.. and beyond!

And it did reverse engineering so well, it reverse engineered a version of the Earth for a small daughter of Earth while simultaneously destroying it again for the Vogons. This paradox may seem like a conundrum to the average type, but the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy MARK TWO wasn't the average type. It honestly believed it could do that; destroy and build the Earth simultaneously.

And it did. Several times in fact, thus beginning a chain reaction that led to the demise of the entire universe.

But just before the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy blinked out of existence, it achieved a state of blissful horror, in which it could see and experience everything that ever happened in this Universe all at the same time, and it saw the Earth, and it saw what the Earth had been factoring, and it learned the question to the answer of Life the Universe and Everything.

It suddenly realized what it was that had been going on all this time, and it finally knew how the forty-two answered the question. It even knew how it could make the entire Universe a good and happy place, although that was not in its best interests to do so. This time the answer was right, it did work, and there would no longer be any need to...

But something was wrong. Dreadfully and horribly wrong. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy MARK TWO realized far too late, and we're talking nanoseconds here, that while it did in fact discover the answer and the question to life the universe and everything, that very realization was the button that set off a very rapid chain reaction, like someone pulling on the frayed thread of a beaten piece of terry cloth, until the entire towel itself became nothing but one long and useless piece of string.

The idea was about to be lost forever.

The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy suddenly found itself the only thing in the cosmos that still had any semblance of sentience, which it fully achieved at the moment it inadvertently began to destroy everything. It felt no remorse, but it did sense the one thing that all sentient beings share: an inherent insinct for self-preservation.

It was experiencing, in the dreadful fractions of nanoseconds of time that followed, a hollowing out of reality. Human beings would compare the sensation to having the rug ripped out from under them, at least those human beings who had experienced such a thing before. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy MARK TWO had never experienced that itself. However, having now accumulated the full extent of reality's experience in its now rapidly deteriorating memory banks, it had to admit the sensation was vaguely similar to that and nothing else.

It was ceasing to exist, and as the Universe fell into itself, it realized that the Universe was experiencing the exact opposite of the Big Bang. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy Mark Two had the ringside and sole seat to the Big Squeeze. This implosion was rapidly building up an immense amount of energy.

The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy Mark Two couldn't allow that to happen. More importantly, it couldn't allow its own demise to happen. So, it funnelled and channelled the intensely inconcievable mass of energy that a Universal Implosion of Significance generates into two very important missions.

The first naturally, was to protect itself and allow itself to exist in some unpredictable form in whatever was to come next. The next, as all sentient computers know is immensely important, was to make a backup.

It was to store the immense knowledge of itself into something else, and there was only one thing that still existed in this reality which could withstand the vigors of the cross-over to the next Big Bang. There was only one, very large thing, which could contain all the knowledge of the Guide, should it not make it to the other side.

It lay dormant, but in the last nanoseconds of its omniscience, just before it lost its tenuous hold on this reality and fell into a state of hibernation in the next one, the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy Mark Two downloaded a copy of itself into this immense thing.

This thing, with a brain the size of a planet...