He still wasn't completely awake, but not that that mattered. Already on this fine Thursday morning, Jacob Ryan Sydney had accumulated a bruised upper arm, two skinned knees, and a horrendous headache. These sad but superficial wounds were inflicted on him when he and his bed were systematically thrown out of the second story window of his apartment.

Or rather, the apartment that used to be his. Fortunately, the bed broke his fall. Unfortunately, his bed was broken, as was pretty much all of his other belongings, save the belongings that are more difficult to break. For example, his entire wardrobe was relatively intact, although it was scattered throughout the lawn and street just outside of what used to be his second story apartment.

He had managed to grab a towel, and wrapped that around his waist while he rummaged through the rest of his belongings trying to find something to wear.

"Evicted?" This word came out of his mouth rather surprisingly, in response to his ex-wife's new husband stating it not two seconds prior.

"Yep. Evicted." Surprisingly, Jacob's ex-wife's new husband wasn't smiling while he said it, even though the voice sounded like he was smiling. The man stood towering above Jacob as he glanced over a clipboard in his hands. He was enjoying his job, but was trying not to show it. A couple burly gentlemen came by and murmured something at him, and Jacob's ex-wife's new husband motioned back up the stairs dutifully, informing them nonverbally to join the other burly men who were even as he stood there, continuing to throw Jacob's belongings out the second story window.

A bean bag landed squarely on Jacob's head. This woke Jacob up just enough to feel himself hit his chin on the sidewalk below.

"B-but but!" Jacob pushed the beanbag off his head and looked up at his ex-wife's new husband. "But Kate and I agreed I could have the apartment for the rest of the summer!"

"Did you get it on paper?" Jacob's ex-wife's new husband successfully avoided eye contact with Jacob, by pretending to find something particularly interesting on the pages of his clipboard.

"No."

"Well. There ya go." Something a bit heavier than a beanbag failed to hit Jacob by a few inches. Jacob grabbed a pair of jeans and stepped several feet away as he struggled with putting them on.

"Where is Kate? Does she even know what you're doing?"

"Kate made it very clear she doesn't ever want to see you again, Jacob. And I don't blame her. You're a hopeless boor."

A manic depressive, to use the more scientific term, but Jacob's ex-wife's new husband couldn't be bothered with silly scientific terms. He called it like he saw it, and this gentleman had caused enough psychological damage to his new bride that he felt eviction was too good for Jacob. He was a lawyer by trade, though he'd recently left law to dabble successfully in other forms of commerce. Kate had just barely talked him out of suing Jacob in divorce court. Eviction was something they had compromised upon.

"I-I don't understand!"

"Get it through your thick skull, Jacob. The three years you and Kate spent together may have started out rather well, but then you lost your job-"

"I got another one!"

"Then you lost that one-"

"And I got a third one after that which I still have!"

"And then you got depressed."

"My mom passed away! Of course I got depressed! You'd get depressed too if.." And for the first time Jacob found himself looking square in the eyes of his ex-wife's new husband, and found there to be no light of sympathy or concern in his cold grey wrinkled eyes.

"Save it, kid. I've heard your sob story countless times. Kate's still in counseling for it, which I'm paying for. Happily. Someday I'll be able to get you completely out of her mind and her life, and then she and I can get on with ours. It means first getting you out of her property though, which I'm more than happy to do."

Jacob's ex-wife's new husband motioned for a couple of the big burly men upstairs to come downstairs, and the look on his face made Jacob realize one thing: he wasn't going to have enough time to collect his belongings before he would be manhandled out of the apartment complex.

Jacob grabbed a shirt and a suitcase, where he immediately attempted to simultaneously put the shirt on while stuffing the suitcase with anything that would fit.
"I'll sue, Taggart!"

"You can't afford to sue, Sydney."

The two big burly gentlemen barrelled down the stairs and looked at Jacob's ex-wife's new husband dumbly, awaiting further orders. Taggart glanced at them and then glanced at Jacob. Then he looked down at his clipboard and pretended to write something important in the margins.

The two big burly men lumbered towards Jacob, as Jacob backed away slowly with his T-shirt half on as he tried to close the overstuffed suitcase.

Just then, a long black limosine drove up along the sidewalk. It was a very intense color black. It seemed to be pulling in light from the surrounding area, suddenly making the area directly in front of Jacob's old apartment dimmer, even though the sun shone directly overhead.

The two burly gentlemen stopped in their tracks as a tall and thin, vaguely humanoid creature dressed in a posh chauffeur's uniform climbed out of the driver's side and walked around the front of the limo. The chauffeur then opened the back passenger side of the limo and a small, vaguely humanoid creature in a three piece suit holding a clipboard stepped from it.

Jacob's ex-wife's husband glanced up from the clipboard at his two big burly employees, generally because he was wondering why Jacob had not yet begun crying out in pain and whining mercilessly as he was dragged away from sight. The two big burly men stood there staring at the limosine in awe and a bit of fear. Not due to the small man in the suit with a clipboard, but because of the two very large and burly, vaguely humanoid creatures dressed in three piece suits that lumbered out after the short man.

"Manifred Taggart?" the short man asked to no one in particular.

Taggart looked away from his two big burly employees to the short man, then back at his clipboard. "I'm Taggart. Who are you?"

The short man motioned to his very large and vaguely humanoid employees in three piece suits to flank young Jacob Sydney. They did so, as Taggart's merely big employees took a couple small steps back.

"I'm your worst nightmare, Taggart. I now own you."

"W-what?"

"Just an hour ago my employers launched a hostile takeover of your company's holdings, including this apartment complex. You've been evicted from your home. As of this moment, some of my men are changing the locks and commandeering your lovely collection of antique automobiles. I might take one or two of them myself as souvenirs."

"W-what? This must be some kind of joke! You can't possibly-"

"Oh we can Mister Taggart, and we have. Call off your dogs. Mister Sydney is now the least of your concerns."

Taggart spinned hatefully at Jacob. "I don't know how you did this, Sydney! But I swear I'll get you back for this!"

"What? I didn't do anything! I don't even know who these guys are!"

The short man glanced at his two very large and vaguely humanoid employees in three piece suits and then glanced at Taggart. They nodded and lumbered over towards Jacob's ex-wife's new husband as Jacob's ex-wife's new husband backed away and attempted to hide behind his clipboard.

He turned to run, but a very long and very large arm lumbered from a very well-tailored three piece suit, and within less than a moment, Taggart found himself in the backseat of the very black limosine as it drove away. Taggart shouted expletitives towards Jacob until the limosine was out of sight.

Jacob stood there, scuffed up with his mouth agape, holding his suitcase and his towel. His jeans were on inside out, as was his T-shirt. His reddish-brown hair a rumpled mess and in a fair amount of pain. He stared down at the short man in the suit holding the clipboard.

Taggart's four burly employees were also staring at the short man. The short man looked up at them. "Want to make twice as much as your previous employer?"

The four big burly men nodded enthusiastically. The short man pulled a card out of his vest pocket. "I want the four of you to very carefully and lovingly collect all of Mister Sydney's things, save whatever Sydney collects for himself to travel with, and I want you to carefully and lovingly have them transported to this address."

One of the four men took the card, they all nodded and then began to collect everything they had just recently thrown out of Jacob's old apartment.

"How can I thank you, sir?" Was all that Jacob could get out of his mouth.

"Oh don't thank me. You don't want to thank me."

"Why?"

"Because you're still being evicted. My employer hopes to do it a bit more kindly than your previous landlord, granted. However, it is very necessary."

Jacob's heart sank, and several different emotions careened through his nervous system simultaneously, to the point where he didn't know whether to hug this small man or drop kick him into next week.

"Why is it necessary?"

"Because you're late, Mister Sydney. Although that will be taken care of in due time."

"Late? Late for what?"

"I'm not at liberty to say directly, due to legalities of course. However, you will discover soon enough. Now go through your things and collect only what you can carry. The rest of it belongs to us now."

"You can't do this! You're stealing everything I own in my life! Where are you taking my stuff?"

"It's not your stuff, Mister Sydney. You have accumulated a very large tab and we are here to collect. Not to worry though. It will be the best night of your entire life. Make no mistake."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Your tab, Mister Sydney."

"I don't have a tab."

"Oh yes you do, and after we've liquidated everything you own, everything Taggart owns, everything your ex-wife owns, and a few of your descendants, we will just about have it covered."

"This is insane!"

"Yes it is, but the beauty of it Mister Sydney, is it's very legal." The short man made a very deliberate and important checkmark on his clipboard. "Oh I do so love this job! Carry on, Mister Sydney. It was a pleasure to meet you again!"

The short man waved at the stupefied Jacob Sydney with his clipboard, and left Jacob facing a mental workout of sheer and utter terror at the sudden abyss he faced with the rest of his life.

The little man in the suit waddled down the sidewalk towards the main offices, where he was preparing to have everyone else in the apartment complex evicted.

Just that morning he had spoken to some idiots who wanted to purchase this property and turn it into something called a shopping mall and he was very excited to find out what one was.