h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There is probably some religion dedicated to power tools. And glue. And duct tape.

Yeah, and if not we shoudl start it. I bet that would be a popular one to put on census surveys, too.

Think of the scholarships that would readily become available to those who worship the Almighty Power Tools.

Mmmm, plus a free cordless sander if you call now!

We'll throw in an extra set of drill bits for just an extra $15 shipping and handling, too!

But remember, this offer is not seen in stores. Call now while supplies last!

To reserve your selection on this offer, call now! All of the best spots are being taken as you listen.

Oh yes! Amaze your friends! Scare your enemies! These beautiful power tools can be yours for only four easy payments of $19.95!

This is the appropriate way to woo your date *startstalkingveryfastandquiet* postage, package $27.95 per offer, per payment, no refunds even for dragon-damaged products...

Yes, that means *you* over there with the flamethrower trying to claim dragon-induced damages. I see you!

We know how you lot think, don't even TRY to pull anything over on us~! You'll get more than a $1000 fine for throwing trash on the highway if you're not careful.

And no, don't even think to use that poor dragon as a trash incinerator. There are laws against that, you know.

Gosh, what has gotten into today's consumers? I would have thought that, by now, you would have gotten the idea that fraud is illegal. Dragons are PETS, don't even THINK about making them clean the floors, either.

Oh no, mister! I see you trying to steam off that wallpaper. Leave the poor creature alone and go rent an inanimate steamer. Your poor dragon's half asphyxiated, can't you see?!

Naughty, naughty! And we saw you last night using that poor devil to light your barbecue grill. Don't you think the lighter fluid burns his nose, too? Or did you even bother to think, eh?

And don't even get me *started* on welding!

Or those women so horribly vain as to buy miniature dragons for their hairdriers!

And let me tell you, if you think ~ironing~ your hair can be hazardous, you don't want to see the results if you mess up!

I don't even think that a burning bush would describe the mess adequately.

Now I do realize that the poshest hairdressers do occasionally employ dragons, but they have licences to do so, and staff full time dragon handlers and submit to monthly inspections from the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Dragons (SPCD). Is that how you want to live your life?