h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...but in your case I'd be glad to make an exception.

He may look like an idiot, speak like an idiot and act like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction from you?

Sir! This lady is my wife. You should be ashamed. If this lady is your wife, YOU should be ashamed.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Now there sits a man with an open mind. You feel the draught from here.

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend to read it.

The above are insults from Groucho Marx. I could go on forever, but I found some more from other people below.

-It's [Los Angeles] so clean out here.
-That's because they don't throw their garbage away. They turn it into television shows.
-Woody Allen, Annie Hall

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
-Dorothy Parker, Book Review

My dad gets a lot of stick, along with my Uncle and his friends for having big noses. Someone once inquired how he could ever grow a mustache under all that shade.

I'm afraid I'm not one for spontaneous retorts. I'll come back later when I remember some.

Or the response of a famous author to a bad review I once heard...

Sir, I am sitting in the smallest room of my house. Your review is in front of me. Very soon, your review will be behind me.

I have the quote to the reviewer at my house, when I get home I'll give you the source. . .I love that one.

"When I get home I'll give you the source."

Been on a long holiday, Friar?

TRiG.