Bob Dobbs
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Who IS "Bob"?
Son of Jane McBride Dobbs and with uncertain fathership (it is not known if his son was a descendant of the Mayan people, Jehovah-1, or the milkman), Jonathan Robert Dobbs came into the world some time around the Great Depression in the United States of America. Exact records of his date and place of birth are largely guarded secrets among the SubGenius hierarchy, to keep pundits from the National Enquirer from doing astrological star charts on him.
He had a childhood wrought with the same plights that any young person living in the early twentieth century had to face. Bullies ridiculed him due to his stepfather being of Mayan descent. However, young "Bob" handled these scraps with an eerily calm demeanor, as if he almost knew even at an early age what fate had in store for him.
There is evidence that early in his life "Bob" received precognitive visions and was able to summon and control energy archons. He also had an uncanny ability almost from birth of being able to convince anyone of anything, and he utilized this skill as early as the first decade of his life, selling iced lemonade to the neighborhood during Christmas time.
However, it was not until after he dropped out of college that he would embark on a long dark journey towards spiritual fulfillment, and become the High Epopt of the Church of the SubGenius and Saint of Sales for the Planet Earth.
Today, "Bob" in an elusive soul, having even faked his death more than once, and some believe he successfully achieved his death in the summer of 1986, only to be reborn again by transferring his Nental Ife into the body of a nearby cockroach until he could find a more suitable vessel.
"Bob" has many powers, which are mostly side effects from his run-ins with Elder Gods like Wotan and Jehovah-1. His most predominant special ability, second only to his Skills of Selling, is his ability to Traverse the Luck Plane at will. "Bob" is the luckiest man in the universe. Every time he makes a mistake, he makes a million dollars. It's not that he is infallible or perfect. In fact he is wholly and holy imperfect. However, "Bob" is so lucky he can DO NO WRONG.
There are those who believe the SubGenius Church is purely a religion based on the worship of this one man. That cannot be further from the Truth. Faith In "Bob" is the first step toward a larger world for the emerging SubGenius. Once one achieves their Faith In "Bob," they learn about the vast number of other Short Duration Personal Saviors available. "Bob" is both the destination and the journey, as well as the springboard for a new way of looking at reality. He can show the way, but first you have to pull the wool over your own eyes.
The following is from Sacred Pamphlet Number One.
While he remains an anonymous executive shunning publicity or recognition at a faceless multinational corporation, he is nevertheless The Most Ascended Master, the original Retriever of Jehovah's Message on Earth and basic model of the Archetype SubGenius. He set the "anti-pattern" of random conduct among all those who are now practicing SubGenii.
There is much speculation as to the very existence of "Bob" Dobbs. Since the only visual images that are recorded stem from the many B rated black and white movies of the forties and fifties in which he appeared under assumed names in order to pay the bills.
Dobbs travels along the Path of Least Resistance while the pink normals of this world are forced to toil and slave. "Bob"s teachings explain that there is a sinister Conspiracy at work on this planet, seeking to keep down Normals and SubGeniuses alike into doing its bidding. "Bob" explains that it is the Conspiracy that stole from every living soul the very thing which gives all SubGeniuses their power over the Elder Gods: that thing is called SLACK. "Bob" is the living incarnation of Slack on Earth. "The Man Who Can Sell Anything."
