JJ's Carmalised Movie Review
Created | Updated Jul 11, 2003
Lord of the Rings, Book I: The Fellowship of the Rings
Director: Peter Jackson
Ian McKellen, Sean Astin, Sean Bean, Cate Blanchett, Orlando Bloom (hey baby hey baby hey), Billy Boyd (ditto), Ian Holm, Christopher Lee, Dominic Monaghan, Viggo Mortensen, John Rhys-Davies, Liv Tyler, Hugo Weaving, Elijah Wood
Aprox. 172 Minutes.
May I just say this right now(and in capital letters):
IT WAS BETTER THAN HARRY POTTER.
It was/way better than Harry Potter. It was about 30,000 times better than Harry Potter.
And do you want to know why? Not only did they have extremely attractive Elf and Hobbit types running about on the screen, but... (my favourite part is comming dangerously close, here,) there was Orc blood.
Oh...
my...
god.
It was awesome.
I've seen it get some really bad reviews though, and this really kind of bothers me. It seems like a lot of people are comparing it to Harry Potter because it's a movie based on a work of fiction. And they really shouldn't do that. Harry Potter is, essentially, a children's book (even though I and nearly every other person over 18 that I know has read it). The Lord of the Rings Trilogy is not, nor has it ever professed to be. One of the main complaints about LotR is that you can't take your kids to it. My obvious retort to this is
'Well of course you can't! This isn't Harry Potter, people! It's Lord of the spooning Rings! Would you have /read/ those books to your children??? Well of course not! Then don't take them to see it! Take your sixteen year old who's addicted to the internet and his/her Playstation 2! He/she'll probably enjoy the heck out of it!'
(Mean Movie Reviewers make me /angry/.)
They need to realise that besides the obvious darkness of the storyline, this was an awesome movie with killer cinematography and insanely good acting (especially in the part of Ian Mckellan who played the wizened wizard Gandalf) and really really hot Hobbits.(And Elves. We musn't forget Mr. Bloom.) My sister, who didn't really like the film in itself, left with a profound lust after Dominic Monaghan. (who plays the Hobbit, Merriadoc 'Merry' Brandybuck) I found this greatly amusing.
Speaking of Mr. Bloom, it's become apparent that after the releasing of the Fellowship, he has quite a following (myself included). What can I say? He, in one simple word, is a hottie. If 200,000 young girls agree with me, so be it. But for the record, he's /mine/, I called him first. Oh, and Billy Boyd, too. Also mine. 
Speaking of Mr. Boyd, did any of you hear he's the second most eligible batchelor in England...? Oh forget that, it's beside the point.. Hrmmm... ...Meeeh...
Anyway, moving right along then...
Fellowship of the Rings, as is to be expected, recieved five out of five 
's because it kicked so much bum in so many ways. And might I say, If you've seen the movie, or even if you haven't, by all means, READ THE BOOKS!
