What is a name joke?

A name joke is a form of that particular brand of humour so bad that one cannot help rolling hysterically on the floor laughing, wetting ones trousers and getting ones head stuck in the coal scuttle. Yes, punning. To create a name joke, think of a common name, if you're out to offend (which you shouldn't be, see "The Dangers of Misplaced Joking" below), the name of someone you dislike intensly. Say Cliff. Now, try and create a pun based on this name... well, Cliff is also the word for a type of coastline, so...

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff!

I can see you struggling with the coal scuttle already

The aim of this article is to compile as complete a list of these works of art as is humanly possible.

Heartfelt apologies go out to those with any of the following names.

The List

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff!

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
Doug! (Dug)

What do you call a man without a spade on his head?
Douglas! (Dug-less)

What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Jack!

What do you call a man in a bush?
Russel! (Rustle)

What do you call a man with no arms, no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob!

What do you call a man you dig up out of the ground?
Pete! (Peat)

What do you call a man who comes through your letterbox?
Bill!

What do you call a man who comes through a student letterbox?
Grant!

What do you call a man pouring water into a jug?
Phil! (Fill)

What do you call a man with a raincoat?
Mac!

What do you call a man with a large raincoat?
Big Mac!

What do you call a man with two raincoats?
Max! (Macs)

What do you call a man with two raincoats in a cemetery?
Max Bygraves! (Macs by graves)

What do you call a man with a ham sandwich?
Ahmed! (Ham-ed)

What do you call a man with three ham sandwiches?
Mohahmmed! (More ham-ed)

What do you call a man doing exercise?
Jim! (Gym)

What do you call a man correcting schoolwork?
Mark!

What do you call a man made out of rubber?
Johnny!

What do you call someone drilling holes in a piece of wood?
Boring!

What do you call a woman setting fire to bills?
Bernadette! (Burn a debt)

What do you call a woman wearing denim?
Jean!

What do you call a flying woman?
Rose!

What do you call a woman who comes in a bottle?
Cheri! (Sherry)

What do you call a woman juggling Budweiser?
Beatrix! (Beer tricks)

What do you call a woman juggling Budweiser and making something from clay?
Beatrix Potter! (Beer tricks potter)

What do you call a really small woman?
Dot!

What do you call a really happy woman?
Mary! (Merry)

What do you call a singing woman?
Carol!

Please feel free to add to this modest collection by adding to the coversation below

The Dangers of Misplaced Joking

While it is certain that these pieces of humour are side-splittingly hilarious (or not, if one posesses a better sense of humour than the writer(s) of this entry) it should be noted that repetition of them to an unwary public is unadvisable. Words cannot encapsulate the intense irritation one must feel having heard their name slandered in this way fifty or so times a day, and the irresistable urge to turn round and thump the perpetrator.

You have been warned

Credits

Many thanks to Satan's Pet, Silverfish and my mate Davy for their help in compiling this collection.