h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Top tips to avoid tedious jokes at this time of year if your name is Guy (which mine is, so I should know):

First, during the run up to November 5, it's vital never to introduce yourself by first name to anyone who is drunk. Failure to observe this l;eads to the inevitable result and you'll have to (a) punch their lights out (preferred) or (b) pretend to laugh in a way which is not so condescending as to cause them to try (a) on you.

Second, ensure that you steer clear of anyone under the age of 15. Above that age surliness sets in and even if they do fall for the obvious joke they'll be too busy being cool to say anything.

Third, only use credit cards with your initials rather than your full name if at all possible. Shop assistants are not renowned for their sparkling wit and few can resist at least the "I bet you get a lot of jokes this time of year" line.

Things which don't work:

"The first time I heard that I nearly fell out of my cot laughing" (risk of satirical comment abou the lateness of your leaviong said sleeping acommodation)

"Oh my how original, you should be on the stage" (risk of (b) above)

Any remark turning the tables and pointing out that while you only get laughed at once per year, having a name like Wayne Kerr (if that is their name) is a permanant bummer. Also risk of (b) above.