A Conversation for Marie de Medici
this doesn't look edited to me
Sea Change Started conversation Nov 18, 2003
I gave up about halfway through, because it occured to be that it really was edited, but that the edited version simply didn't make it to this page. I have seen Demon Drawer's writing style elsewhere in Peer Review, and if other pieces in this grouping have the same Sub-Editor as this entry and A398117, then they will all need to be re-edited.
Here's what I took notes on so far:
Every single instance of the word 'however' in this article is pointless and has no bearing on the meaning of the word however at all. It can be searched for and deleted without changing the Entry's meaning one bit.
'She was to have born him two sons...': The clauses aren't set apart, but the sentence would be better rewritten entirely. I suggest "She bore him two sons and three daughters [insert their names, in birth order, since the names are easily identifiable by sex]. Then in footnote 6, replace 'the eldest' with 'Elizabeth', if indeed Elizabeth was the eldest daughter.
The whole paragraph starting '12- year [sic] reign' is not about Marie de Medici at all, and could be omitted. If it is needed (due to me not actually knowing the history and being unable to connect it with anything written below), then here are the fixes for it:
Who is the 'he' who announced to certain leading Catholics?, and
After all the howevers have been removed, it's hard to tell the main idea of the paragraph at all, so it will need to be rearranged somehow.
'Henri de Rohan, an ally of Sully [who will need to be defined if the para above is omitted]': the dependent clause 'an ally of Sully' needs an ending comma.
'Marie fearful of an uprising against her...'->another dependent clause error. I suggest: Marie, fearful of an uprising against her,...
regents rule-> regent's rule
young King married Anne: which King is this? There are possibly several.
colleagues, with-> colleagues, and with
a choice of Louis: there are many historical Louis-es. Which one was this? Had her son attained majority by now?
The sentence starting 'In 1619': Sorry, I can't make any sense out of this.
I give up.
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