Beer goggles are the amazing pieces of ophthalmic equipment supplied free with all alcoholic beverages.

The goggles have been cunningly crafted so that they only begin to work after the users fifth or sixth drink. They work in the following manner:

The subject is suddenly gripped by passion and they begin to look ravenously about the drinking establishment in search of members of the opposite sex. They spot a target and initiate various mating rituals. The problem with the goggles is that if they were removed, the object of their attentions would be less than desirous. The goggles intercept the input to the eye and by a top secret process know as beer-befuddling change it so that the target appears as to be the most handsome/beautiful specimen they have ever encountered.

A secondary effect of the goggles is to translate all messages spoken by acquaintances.
An example of this effect was monitored under laboratory conditions.

Test Subject 1: “Do you see her over there? She’s gorgeous she is.”

Test Subject 2: “She is an absolute minger¹ my friend, leave it alone.”

Test subject 1 was later asked what he thought was said, his reply was recorded as follows:

“Test subject 2 said, yeah she is a stunner mate and is gagging for you.”

In conclusion it is recommended that beer goggles are only used by trained personnel or people of a none too fussy disposition.