h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The school I work in insists that if we make over 20 copies (and, DUH!, I have 150 students--as does everyone else) we MUST, under indirect threat of death, use the dreaded RISOGRAPH machine.

I don't know precisely what makes the Riso different, except for maybe it uses masters instead, so is costs less money somehow (I haven't figured that one out yet...) But, every first period--when I am forced by my lesson plan to make copies--I end up angry, sweaty, and with my blood pressure boiling. If I ever have an aneurism on the job, the RISO will be the culprit.

The Riso never---NEVER!--works properly from one person or day to the next. It tears pages, gets masters goobled up in its sensitive innards, spits ink, and runs out of toner faster than an SUV runs through a tank of gasoline. I've noticed that it is tempermental, at best, for most people, and an evil creature from the pit of hades for a special few of which I have the dubious honor of being a part. It does not matter if I make 20 copies or 200; the Riso is going to mess up on me. It's a running joke around my department. I've worked in several office settings and never had so much trouble with a machine.

I've been wondering, perhaps, if the Riso senses my loathing and hate, and FEEDS on it--FEEDS just like IT feeds on the small town of Derry in King's novel. I've decided that, from now until the end of the school year, I will not use the Evil Riso without having first taken a tranquilizer or Prozac. Then maybe it will find someone else's negative energy upon which to feed.


arrrrrrrghhhhh.....