h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"In the early 1970s, the Cocoa Inn was razed during this time period. Hershey Park was enclosed behind chain link fences and reopened as a theme park where admission was charged. Tours of the chocolate factory were discontinued and visitors were sent to Chocolate World which houses a simulation of the factory tour. However, a new hotel, the Hershey Motor Lodge, was constructed at this time."

Just as some matters of style, you're a little redundant in this first sentence. First you give the time period, then at the end of the sentence, you say it was done during this period. The second thing is that you break continuity to talk about Hershey Park and the factory tour and then go back to talking about a hotel. The possible fix to both problems is to combine them. For instance, "In the early 1970's, the Cocoa Inn -- which was established in 19XX -- was razed and replaced with the Hershey Motor Lodge." Then you can talk about the park and the tour without breaking up the related subjects.

Otherwise, I really like this article. It's nice to get to know a little of the town's history and the history of a substance of which I eat so much.

Ah. I see what I did there. What I had intended to say was that the

'In the early 1970s the Cocoa Inn was razed. During the same time period Hershey Park was enclosed behind chain link fences and reopened as a theme park where admission was charged. Tours of the chocolate factory were discontinued during this time and visitors were sent to Chocolate World which houses a simulation of the factory tour.'

It makes a bit more sense this way I think. During this time period the town really went through a period of major upheaval with a lot of the benefits of living in Hershey being removed.
* The Cocoa Inn was a meeting place for townies in the heart of the downtown - it was replaced by an ugly stripmall with a pizzeria and a real estate agent.
* The park was no longer free to enter and was fenced in.
* Tours of the factory stopped.
* Etc, etc, etc...

But thanks for the comments!

- X

Happy to help.

I still think that it's a little discontinuous to talk about one hotel, the tour, then another hotel, but the point is well recieved. Things rarely stay the same after the founder's passing, and especially where the people who take over are more coorporate minded.