Or a wheezy cheapass organ. Or a wheezy expensive organ.

Live music was a part of the lives of musicians everywhere. The gramophone did not kill the piano. At least, not at first. The wireless did not kill the piano. At least not, not at first. Television did not kill the piano. At least, not at first.

It took Musick Videos to kill the parlour piano. There are very few pianos in Musick Videos, at least, not being played by ROCK STARS. Sir Elton is the standout and when was the last time you saw him in a duck suit? The piano was heard on many songs, even hits on the radio, but it did not have the cachet of the guitar. Keyboardists of all stripes began playing synthesizers, the Cuisinart of the musick world. They began controlling their synthesizers with guitar-like thingys around their necks, with a phallic whatsit on the end so they could pretend to be throttling a neck or a... nevermind.

I have known of dozens of young people who took piano lessons for decades, only to abandon the thing in their early twenties. The same thing is true of band instruments, but brass and woodwinds do not have the same presence as a piece of significant furniture as a piano. I have seen hundreds of pianos sitting in parlours forlornly serving as dust-catchers, substitute mantle pieces, props for doily mounting and pedestals for the family photo gallery and bric-a-brac collections. Toby mugs and pianos do not go together.

I should also like to say that I think the school systems helped kill the piano, in that they no longer have assemblies where the piano is played to accompany the national anthem or the school song. No, recordings are used if music is to be found at all, or the school brass band is hauled out to torture the assembled. The piano has lost it's prominence mainly because it usually sounds like crap in an athletic hall unless it is maintained properly and miked properly. It has become an after-thought used mainly to torture children by making them practice scales so they can learn to play the sousaphone improperly in polite society.

The piano needs legislation. It would help cut down on masturbation, teen pregnancies and the proliferation of television 'reality shows'. There needs to be a PIANO PARTY to build a constituency so that poultryticians can get the message.

They are the perfect energy-saving device. You don't have to plug them in, unless you need a humidifier or de-humidifier. They would keep piano-tuners fully employed.

And they would make sure that the music and arts educations of chilren began in the home instead of dying in the schools.