h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There are other researchers going. Admittedly a few are southern, which isn't much of an improvement, but there'll be a few from God's own county there.

So I should think. Go bravely into the land of the infidels, my son, and save those misbegotten souls from their heathen ways.

Alternatively: get thee dahn chip oil 'n' get us sum proper snap! (or words to that effect)

Don't be drinking any of their strange brews though...

Pardon?

You mean those weird concoctions by the name of "Boddington's" and "Pendlewitch"? I'll have to see what's availiable.

Ah. Either you don't speak "Sheffl'" or you've been drinking Boddingtons. OK, actually, I'll grudgingly admit: the ale is good. (off to wash my mouth out with soap)

Nah, lass. That's southern to me.

Not a patch on the stuff coming from Masham, mind.

I prefer Guinness actually. Now I'll have to face a firing squad I suppose.
On a good day, however, Wards is good.

Nah - Guinness is passable, being from god's own holiday spot.

But... Ward's? Surely you can't be serious? Groooooooo

Not a fan of stout. I'm a bitter man. Never tried Ward's, though.

Wards is some glop produced in Sheffield. My normal procedure is to drink a half as my first drink of an evening out, just to show solidarity with my home town. Then I go to (used to go to, that should be) the Frog and Parrot and drink some of his. But I don't really like it much now..... so I go to the Fat Cat with my Grandad. Great!

Y'know, the pubs in the small town I live in now have really boring names. When I lived in a slightly larger town I used to enjoy the beer at the Honest Lawyer (or Bent Brief. It depended from which side you approached it)

The only decent beer round here is that at the Barnes Wallis. But it's at least half-an-hours walk down unlit country roads from where I am. It's a much longer stagger back.

Ah, you're lucky. I have to drink fizzy German stuff, which is OK, but I get homesick for proper ale!

How does it go now...?

Fizzy German stuff?

Luxury...

If I wanted fizzy German stuff, I'd have to beg the landlord to get rid of his insipid French muck and the nitrous bilge they call Smoothflow. Only then would he allow me one half-pint of said fizzy German stuff before letting me watch him pull a pint of fine guest ale and then sending me on my way...

Something like that, anyway

You've got it lucky.... (ok, the first one to mention a handful of hot gravel loses, right?)

Want to swap places?

Let's see...

You've got it lucky...

We dreamt of...

Father...

Belt...

Road...

Nah - I'll stay just where I am, ta.

Are you actually in God's own country then?

"County" surely? I am, but only for a couple more months.

Yup. Born, bred and livin' here. Barring three years at University, always have been here, too.

Irish parents, tho. Worst of both worlds. Yorkshire-born Irishman. Hmmmmm.....

Enjoy it while you can, Bagpuss. It's a cruel wasteland out there.

No, last time I looked we called it God's own country.

A Yorkshire person of Irish parentage...... ho hum... could be worse!

Trust me - not much. A whole bag of fish and chips on my shoulder.