Bertie and the Beast: Chapter 9 Part 1
Created | Updated Mar 13, 2010
Once again we are beholden to the current executors of the Knolly estate for letting us publish this, the second package of the great man's journals and memoirs.
Don't cats always land on their feet?
Chapter 9 Part 1
The turn of speed Elspeth has when in a hurry has never failed to amaze me. Even when she is fully decked out in the fashion of the day, I'm pretty sure that I would twist my ankle in such footwear if I even attempted to run like that.
Together we quickly turned the corner into the gymnasium just in time to see Charlotte (still fully dressed, including hat) perform across the padded floor a flip-flopping cartwheel that propelled her high into the air. Her skirts flared out showing that she too was leotard-clad beneath her day attire. Luckily, Bertie was otherwise engaged at the control wall, otherwise there might well have been another handbagging incident. The height to which Charlotte ascended allowed her to land foursquare on the fighting mechanoids back, which sent it toppling forward to the floor with a clatter. She let out a guttural howl of pleasure, leapt off and took a fighting stance over by the far wall, every inch the predator.
"Impressive," I muttered to myself as I glanced at my wife in time to see a smile play across her lips.
"Bravo Charlie!" clapped Bertie. "Shall we try it again?"
"Again …again! Bertie. Perleeeze", the last word ending in a purring-like sound.
Bertie laughed ....until he caught sight of Elspeth and me staring open-mouthed by the doorway. His smile froze to a grimace and his laugh mutated into a false coughing-fit. Noticing this odd behaviour - odd even for Bertie, it has to be said - Charlotte then turned to where Bertie was looking. When she saw Elspeth, she immediately stood up straight, smoothed her skirts and quickly walked over to us. I leaned forward to see what sort of a look the poor child had been given, but there was nothing on my wife's visage that gave me any clues as to the sudden change in the young girl's demeanour.
"Charlotte… bad?" she asked as she looked at Elspeth, the words spoken quite clearly.
"No, not bad. Perhaps slightly naughty, though," Elspeth replied and then rounded on Bertie as he approached with a huge grin back on his face.
"Did you see her Knolly?" he said jovially. "She's incredible…"
"NOT NOW YOU FOOL" I hastily blinked in a vain attempt to curb his over-zealous enthusiasm.
"Bertram Harrison- Harrison! What on earth are you playing at?" asked Elspeth. I say "asked". I mean "yelled".
Poor Bertie! The enunciation of one's full name is never a good sign for any male, but to give him credit he did try to brazen it out.
"Why Elspeth," he said, taking care to present a side profile to my wife. "I was just showing Charlotte round the Gymnasium and she took a shine to Hobbes' "fighting mechanical", so I thought, hey-ho it's fully charged now, why not switch it on? You should have seen her surprise when it started moving!"
"We heard" I said.
"She could have been hurt, you dunderhead!" Fired back Elspeth.
Bertie maintained his side-on profile to Elspeth, but this time covered his nethers with his hands. "Oh, I don't think so! I mean, I hadn't given it any sabres or sticks."
It was rather a good job that Elspeth had no luggage to hand for it is quite possible that Bertie would have suffered a further battering, covered nethers or no. Instead, she just glowered clenching and un-clenching her gloved fists in exasperation.
"She'll play with your toys when I say so and not before," said Elspeth. I say "said" - "lectured might be a better term. "And when she does, make sure you've taken a double dose of your little tablets."
Bertie looked at me trying to ascertain what sort of threat this was.
"JUST AGREE," I blinked. "IT'S EASIER THAN ARGUING."
"Cetainly Elspeth," said Bertie. "Anything to grease the path. Or smooth the wheels. Oh, wait ...er ...er ... "
"Thank you, Bertie. I quite understand." The word "quite" seemed to hang in the air for a while. "Knolly, would you be so kind as to show myself and Charlotte where we are to sleep, I think that is enough excitement for one evening."
"Yes, yes of course. This way ladies if you please. I‘ll bring the rest of the bags in a jiffy."
Charlotte bobbed a curtsy and looked hopefully at Elspeth for praise.
"Good night, Bertie," said Elspeth very pointedly and pushed Charlotte before her.
"Goodnight Elspeth. Sweet dreams Charlie," said Bertie with a cheery air.
Charlotte turned at the sound of her name and gave him a wave. Bertie waved back by wiggling his fingers. Elspeth scowled. Bertie waved no more.
"I'LL BE BACK IN A WHILE" I blinked at Bertie.
"Oh, you think so, do you?" enquired Elspeth. Oh dear! She was getting better at reading "Blinkage" after all.
Leaving Bertie to tidy up his mess (and, if he had any sense, to bring along the luggage) we made our way past the head and the galley. Elspeth paused to poke her head in both rooms. She made a point of putting down the lavatory seat and flushing Mr Crapper's yet-to-be patented "Hush Flush" and tut-tutted about the lack of shelf space in the galley.
Charlotte stood and watched, taking everything in but making sure she did not get in the way. Crossing over to "Annie" gave rise to a slight problem. Poor Charlotte made the mistake of looking down between the carriages and became somewhat mesmerised by the patterns made by the swift transit of the sleepers to the point where she ended up on her hands and knees, her face pushed as close as it could go to the gap.
Elspeth and I managed to coax her over to delights of the neighbouring carriage and once there, she found herself in a playground of wonderment. The stuff that Bertie and I took for common-or-garden objects she found neither common nor garden. She showed immense pleasure as she ran around the office area dragging a smiling Elspeth with her, bouncing from chair to chair as she went. The map cases and associated "pigeon holes" seemed to hold a particular fascination for her. Thankfully, she was now well aware of telephonic devices and associated cables, thus I did not have to herd her away from this.
With a flourish I opened the door to our bedroom and like a flash Charlie flew through the opening to land on the double bed. There she proceeded to sit cross legged, head on one side and asked;
"My …..bask….. bed ?"
I looked at Elspeth. She walked up to Charlotte and took her hand.
"No Charlotte, this room is, I think for Knolly and me."
I nodded and smiled, not really sure what else to do.
"Oooowwh…" she replied. Her tone signalled disappointment but she signed something complex that I could not comprehend.
"She's asking : Where is my basket?" said Elspeth quietly.
A basket I was horrified at this suggestion, not really comprehending what she meant by "basket" and quickly crossed to the far wall and pushed a recessed button. Part of the wall slid silently across.
"No basket, Charlotte, but a bedroom of your own instead!" I replied with frequent nods as I indicated the hitherto secreted salon.
She turned to look through the opening and her eyes took on the proportion of small saucers (although thinking about it, dear reader, I fear I may have rather exaggerated, for had I truly seen a person whose eyes that were truly saucer-sized, I would most likely run with much alacrity in the direction of "AWAY" from such an unfortunate wretch.) Elspeth helped Charlie from our bed and led her in to the room.
I sat myself down on the end of our own bed and then I flopped back onto the covers. It was indeed turning into a long day. I lay on the bed trying to listen to Elspeth and Charlotte conversing, for it plainly did not consist fully of spoken words. My dear wife obviously had a way with the young girl; what a great mother to our child she would make!
The express was obviously at its top speed now and being at the end of a lengthy line of carriages did tend to exaggerate movement, even accounting for all the stabilisation that Hobbes had designed and Meeds had built. But my goodness! The bed was comfy.
So it was I felt my eyelids trying to shut, but not for long as the sound of gay female laughter quickly made me alert once more. In my experience it always seems that women laughing together is never a good sign, especially if one is in an adjoining room. I was up in a sitting position as the adjoining door opened once more and Elspeth re-entered, pushing the door to behind her.
"You still seem to be here then, Knolly?" she asked as she rummaged though the trunks already on board.
"Why yes still here, m'dear. I've not seen you for a few days now and I thought we could sit awhile and discuss your recent adventures …hmmm?"
She glanced at me over her shoulder.
"I thought you would have trotted back to see Bertie by now and engaged in some sort of childish banter with regards to Charlotte leaping around?"
"Elspeth, I must protest.."
"You must, must you? Well I'd be obliged if you could make yourself scarce for a while. Charlotte needs to have a wash and it seems that the only available ablution facilities are in this room, unless there is another hidey-hole next door concealing a wash basin?"
"Er … no…not that I'm aware of."
"Well, I shall have to have words with Mr Hobbes when I next speak to him."
With her arms now full of night attire - including, I noticed, her own tartan ensemble - she stood waiting.
"Right then I'll be off, shall I?"
She nodded and stepped forward to peck me on my cheek.
"Please think carefully about what you intend to expose Charlotte to, would you?"
I made to speak and remind her about the mission and who was in charge, but she just put her finger to my lips and gently pushed me in the direction of the door.
