SPAM
Created | Updated Apr 12, 2002
SPAM is a rather useful thing. It's a tinned meat, meaning you can eat it and possibly not become ill.
But there is a major problem with SPAM; once you have opened half of the tin, the other half becomes unopenable and it is very sharp, meaning that attempting to open a full tin may result in the loss of one or more fingers. If you need a full tin of SPAM, you must buy two tins. However, the sharp part of the lid may be used as defense against rebellious penguins or slightly enraged tortoises.
SPAM will not reproduce, so if you want any more you have to buy another tin. Sending two tins of SPAM on a romantic weekend to France will not result in the birth of one or more new tins, as one of the tins of SPAM is likely to leave the other tin for a can of French Corned Beef, and you will be lumbered with the bill for the holiday.
If you do manage to remove the entire lid of a tin of SPAM and eat the SPAM within, the empty tin can be used as a completely pointless container which is too small to store anything in, but it's quite a nice colour.
PLEASE NOTE: Contrary to popular belief, wearing an empty tin of SPAM as a hat will not attract members of the opposite sex to you.
But there is a major problem with SPAM; once you have opened half of the tin, the other half becomes unopenable and it is very sharp, meaning that attempting to open a full tin may result in the loss of one or more fingers. If you need a full tin of SPAM, you must buy two tins. However, the sharp part of the lid may be used as defense against rebellious penguins or slightly enraged tortoises.
SPAM will not reproduce, so if you want any more you have to buy another tin. Sending two tins of SPAM on a romantic weekend to France will not result in the birth of one or more new tins, as one of the tins of SPAM is likely to leave the other tin for a can of French Corned Beef, and you will be lumbered with the bill for the holiday.
If you do manage to remove the entire lid of a tin of SPAM and eat the SPAM within, the empty tin can be used as a completely pointless container which is too small to store anything in, but it's quite a nice colour.
PLEASE NOTE: Contrary to popular belief, wearing an empty tin of SPAM as a hat will not attract members of the opposite sex to you.
