h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Woe betide anyone who tries to go backpacking based on the "advice" in this article.

An external pack. Righhhht. Good luck to anyone who decides they want one of these antiques, because the only place you will get one is on eBay, and it'll be at least 40 years old.

I'd love to have seen the author backpacking for a long weekend with a 10-12 litre pack. That's barely a bumbag. You need 30 litres.

T-shirts? Seriously? Only if they are made from a modern, wicking synthetic fabric. Cotton T-shirts are desperately uncomfortable when you are hot and sweaty, and downright dangerous when they get wet and cold. Plus they are heavy.

A bathing suit? Oh puhleeze. How about a rubber ring and a pina colada too?

Sandals for crossing a river? Are you for real? If it's a little brook a few inches deep, just splash through it. As the great Wainwright said, get your feet wet early, because then you will not spend the rest of the day trying not to get your feet wet. But if it's a real river, DO NOT CROSS IT! DANGER, DANGER, DANGER! FIND ANOTHER ROUTE!

A binbag to cover your backpack? And how long do you reckon that's gonna last in a howling gale? You need a waterproof liner *inside* your pack.

Hydration pouches are expensive and make you look like a jerk. What's wrong with stopping for a few minutes to admire the scenery while you sup from your (plastic) water bottle?

The rougher the terrain, the more dangerous are trekking poles. They get caught in the rocks, they trip you up, and they could send you tumbling down a mountainside. They can be helpful on moderate terrain if you suffer from knee problems, but otherwise avoid.

There is no such thing as a camping permit in the UK. You are supposed to ask the landowner's permission, but in practice you can camp anywhere above the wall/fence line in the National Parks (but avoid SSSI's).

A 6mm plastic ground cloth? Oh come on! Have you any idea how thick 6mm is? And how heavy that would be? In reality, all backpacking tents these days have a sewn-in groundsheet. I put my plastic survival bag under mine to protect it from stones etc. (The author doesn't mention a survival bag at all; always carry one).

What no sleeping mat? Boy are you in for a cold and uncomfortable night.

Most of the planet does not have bears.

Ropes are *very* heavy, and most people don't need them and don't have a clue how to use them. If you know what to do with a rope, you'll know whether you need one. Otherwise, forget it.

Iodine tablets are much cheaper and lighter than fancy purification devices (but they taste horrible and shouldn't be used long-term). Whatever method is used, it should be effective against Giardia, which you can encounter anywhere.

A GPS is not substitute for a compass (and a spare) and the ability to use it. A compass does not depend on batteries. And if you have a compass and the ability to use it, there is no point in wasting money and precious ounces on a GPS.

7km is about 80 minutes' hiking. 12km is about 2 hours. That isn't backpacking, it's going out for a pleasant stroll (ah, so that's why the author only needs a small day-pack!)

You will rarely find a fire-ring in the UK. Lighting fires in the wilderness is anti-social and can be dangerous. Don't do it.