h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I don't think that the smell of burnt tyres is nasty, i love the smell, it reminds me of the whole underground but especially the northern line. Without it, the underground wouldn't be the same.

If the claustrophobia factor weren't enough to put you off Covent Garden station, then the fact that it seems to be full of pickpockets is an equally compelling reason to avoid it. I've lived in or around London for 24 years, and Covent Garden station is the only place where I've ever had a wallet stolen. There are several nearby stations, in which your possessions would be much more secure. Leicester Square station is even closer to Covent Garden than Holborn is.

However, Leicester Square station has its own set of problems, most notably the largest number of stupid tourists of any London Underground station, who always stand on the left on the escalators, and never seem to move down the platforms away from the entrance.

I disagree with the Guide's assertion that Angel is the best-looking station on the Underground. For my money, shiny new Canary Wharf station beats it hands down. Between its H R Gigeresque ceilings, and it's Teletubbyland-reminiscent entranceway, no station comes close for style and more important cavernous, soulless depersonalisation. With (get this) CLEAN toilets available to the public for free, and ticket machines with LCD screens (yes, even the quick use ones that don't take paper money) so that prices can be put up rapidly without the fuss of replacing little slips of cardboard, Canary Wharf station kicks serious station arse.

I have to agree at the tourist nightmare that is Leicester Square and to comment on the wonderful pronunciations of those wondferful lost souls looking for escape hatches...

My favourite is indeed for Leicester Square... "Huneee, kd yoooo sha-oow me ha-oow to git to Lie-Cess-tur Squire?"

Any other wonderous mystery stations you've been asked directions for?

PS I work at the infamous Mornington Crescent which I am sure since that magical day it opened has had one or both lifts out of service more often than in service. And it only took them _how_ many years to refurbish it????

Bank - the most fraudulent tube station. Says it connects to the district/circle line but (as we all know) it doesn't. Also the DLR is a massive trek away. Someone remove that station's credentials.

You are probably looking for Fenchurch Street Station. There is definately an overland train station there. There is even an Evening Standard seller to the right side to get something to read on the way home is the train is not stuffed full as usual

Do you think London Underground could do something about the cleanliness of the tube trains on the Circle Line. Possibly these trains never arrive at a final destination and therefore nobody notices the state of them. Have the seats ever been cleaned?

Talking of stations under the Thames. The new Lewisham link has smells of its own probably by being so new. At Island Gardens the station smells of Concrete.

They have conductors on the trains which probably why they look well looked after

Another way would be to travel to Charing Cross and walk the five minutes to Covent Garden. Or from Charing Cross take a 11 15 or 23 bus.

In the summer Steve Perry of Gold Arrow runs an open topped 23 bus on this route which makes you wish the journey was longer

Frequented by the Central Line, White City used to be respectable but now isn't. Instead, this 4-platformer is now used by Central Line driver for fag-and-curry breaks. Trains that are said to be headed for Hainault, Via Newbury Park, will often suddenly terminate at White City, no apology. This also clogs up the system as the terminated train does not actually leave the platform for a good ten to fifteen minutes afterwards, leaving subsequent trains languishing at signals behind. The 'traitor train' finally leaves, long before another train comes along to pick up the stranded passengers. Trains have also been know to suddenly be "on fire", requiring termination at the nearest station - lo and behold, White City. Said "burning" trains are not attended by teams of firefighters, nor is the station evacuated from the risk of smoke inhalation. Oh No. The only smoke to inhale is that which curls from the glowing ends of tired drivers as they look upon their former passengers and laugh.

I'd fallen asleep on a Night Bus (N91) taking me back to Crouch End from a night's boozing in the West End. When I woke up, I asked the driver where we were, and he told me that we were well past Crouch End and were approaching Cockfosters, the last stop, but that he'd be turning around after that to take the bus back to the Wood Green garage and could drop me off there.
Nice one, I thought, and settled back down in my seat to enjoy the dawn light breaking over the North London landscape.
Turning a corner, I was suddenly taken aback by the jaw-dropping beauty of Southgate tube station. I've always admired the Art Deco styling of those North London tube stations, but right at that moment, with the lilac light, I could swear Southgate was lit up with neon.

R.I.P. Ian Dury.

But Charing Cross always smells of wee.

The station concourses at Charing Cross and Piccadilly Underground station also smell of wee.

Perhaps if we as a nation were able to solve the homeless problem by showing a little compassion the smell could evapourate

Why do all the best ones die early, Ian Dury the victim of cancer. Freddy Mercury, Kenny Everit and Liberace due to Aids

Who will be next?

Very true but it still doesn't help when you have a hangover.

If I remember right, it has some nice mosaicised walls.

Also desperately trying to remember which tube station it is that has the really nice wide wooden stairway, and old-fashioned light fittings.

Hope

I like the subway exit I have to admit. I find it isn't particularly crowded, and for good buskers, it has nice big echoey acoustics. I also like the fact I can buy my Museum tickets at the entrance to the subway from the kiosk, rather than queue for ages in SciMus. Okay, so this subway does not have as many security mirrors as could be appreciated, but never mind.
Hope

Charing Cross: cheered up by all those NG and NPG posters

There's a tube station with really nice wooden banisters, and old-fashioned light fittings (roundish if I recall) - trying to put the right name to it. Is this the confusion that is Baker St???? Or do I misremember?

Picadilly Circus: 1) has toilets, 2) (1) aren't in a bad state for station toilets, (but there's also a shortage of public toilets to compare it with too), 3) slightly confusing array of station exits and very crowded (but this I expect).

King's Cross: Not a great tube stop, but can always nip upstairs to the BR station [okay it's not BR anymore] if you want anything [e.g. food, something to read etc]. I seem to recall that somewhere in this labyrinth was an okay subway to the Thameslink station that was 1) reasonably lit, 2) had quite a few of those security mirrors, 3) was pleasantly deserted when I've been through it.

Camden: very busy. For reasons best known to themselves, this is sometimes shut at zilch notice. In these cases, it's a bit less crowded to go to Chalk Farm Road and accept the walk. Ticket staff moderately friendly.

Baker Street: convenient, (pricey?) grocery-type shop in the tube station entrance.

That's all I can think of for now
Hope

Baker St. also has toilets, and also used to have the only pub on the Tube network - the 'Sherlock Holmes'.

>>>Baker St. also has toilets, and also used to have the only pub on the
Tube network - the 'Sherlock Holmes'. <<

Back in the Sixties, one of the City stations (can't remember the name, but it was on the Circle or Metropolitan line, I think), had a bar actually on the platform. You could prop up the bar with a pint in your hand, watching the trains pass a few feet away! Very civilised way to travel. There should be one on every platform!