Schlager
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Aarrrgghhh......
Image a parallel universe in which the Germans won the war. Consequently, Elvis, Muddy Waters, The Beatles and The Sex Pistols either never existed or never got close to a recording contract. So what sort of pop music do have in this universe?
The answer is SCHLAGER, a type of music enormously popular in the German-speaking world, but mercifully unknown outside. Schlager stars are good-looking in a non-threatening sort of way (i.e. more your Paul McCartney than your Keith Richards type), clean-living (they don't seem to be as drawn to the delights of tatooing or piercing as are the pop musicians in our world) and given to dressing in traditional folk costume. The big Schlager stars in Switzerland range from the 'actually-not-too-bad' Francine Jordi and Monique, through the ubiquitous Leonard ('no way is he gay') to the utterly excreable Hansi Hinterseer, 'Vreni and Rudi', 'Die Schurtzenjaeger' and, the crowning turd in the waterpipe, 'Die Kastelruther Spatzen'.
Schlager music is based an up-tempo version of the basic German 'Oom-pah' rythmn. Once established, the beat is never varied throughout the song. The main way in which the audience at a Schalger concert shows their appreciation of the music is to clap in unison on the upbeat - an inexplicably sinister reaction. Musical accompaniment is provided by electric guitars (strummed, of course. There is no question of any Schlager guitarist 'rocking out',) and keyboards. The musical highlight of any Schlager song is the Trumpet Solo. I don't know why, but all Schlager Trumpet Soloes sound the same. Perhaps they're all done by the one session musician, working 24 hours a day in a studio somewhere in Schlagerland. The Trumpet Solo serves to herald the core of every Schlager composition; the Chorus. Every Schlager song consists of a totally unmemorable introduction and series of verses before arriving at what is hopefully the Killer Chorus, which is the bit everyone is intended to remembers and, hopefully, walk around whistling. Unfortunately, listening to Schlager music is rather like eating fast food; when you're doing it it tastes OK, but ten minutes later you've forgotten what it tasted like and you're hungry again.
Schlager songs are restricted to one of three themes:-
1. The pleding of undying love,
2. Consoling oneself following the breakup of a love affair ('there's plenty more fish in the sea', 'I'm still young', etc), and
3. Expressing one's love for one's 'Heimat'. (Note that translation of 'Heimat' into English is rather difficult. Strictly, it means 'home', but the word carries with it profound emotions that only a German-speaker can truly understand.)
Strangely, most of the boys tend to sing about Theme 1, whilst the girls mostly choose Theme 2. Both sexes feel free to expound on Theme 3. Whatever, key words to look out for in a Schlager song, other than 'Heimat', are:-
'Sehnsucht' (Desire)
'Herz / Schmerz' (Heart, pain)
'Für immer und ewig' (For ever and ever)
'Liebe' (Love, of course)
'Treu / Scheu' (Faithful, shy)
'Allein' (Alone)
and, somewhat worryingly,
'Feuer' (Fire).
At least one of these words can be found in every Schlager song. It is rumoured that Francine Jordi's 1998 Schlager classic 'Die Feuer der Sehnsucht' actually managed to fit them all in.
The best place to experience Schlager, for the uninitiated, is on TV. Schlager music features prominently in the schedules of national television in Germany, Austria and Switzerland. In Switzerland, look for programmes called things like 'Schlag auf Schlager', 'Musikantenstadl' and 'Musig Plausch'. On no accounts go into a hard-core Schlager club or dance hall. You can almost feel your IQ and your ability to appreciate music dropping away from you, song after song. Then you think; if it wasn't for an accident of history, maybe this would BE pop music.
Aaaarrggghhhhhh....
Image a parallel universe in which the Germans won the war. Consequently, Elvis, Muddy Waters, The Beatles and The Sex Pistols either never existed or never got close to a recording contract. So what sort of pop music do have in this universe?
The answer is SCHLAGER, a type of music enormously popular in the German-speaking world, but mercifully unknown outside. Schlager stars are good-looking in a non-threatening sort of way (i.e. more your Paul McCartney than your Keith Richards type), clean-living (they don't seem to be as drawn to the delights of tatooing or piercing as are the pop musicians in our world) and given to dressing in traditional folk costume. The big Schlager stars in Switzerland range from the 'actually-not-too-bad' Francine Jordi and Monique, through the ubiquitous Leonard ('no way is he gay') to the utterly excreable Hansi Hinterseer, 'Vreni and Rudi', 'Die Schurtzenjaeger' and, the crowning turd in the waterpipe, 'Die Kastelruther Spatzen'.
Schlager music is based an up-tempo version of the basic German 'Oom-pah' rythmn. Once established, the beat is never varied throughout the song. The main way in which the audience at a Schalger concert shows their appreciation of the music is to clap in unison on the upbeat - an inexplicably sinister reaction. Musical accompaniment is provided by electric guitars (strummed, of course. There is no question of any Schlager guitarist 'rocking out',) and keyboards. The musical highlight of any Schlager song is the Trumpet Solo. I don't know why, but all Schlager Trumpet Soloes sound the same. Perhaps they're all done by the one session musician, working 24 hours a day in a studio somewhere in Schlagerland. The Trumpet Solo serves to herald the core of every Schlager composition; the Chorus. Every Schlager song consists of a totally unmemorable introduction and series of verses before arriving at what is hopefully the Killer Chorus, which is the bit everyone is intended to remembers and, hopefully, walk around whistling. Unfortunately, listening to Schlager music is rather like eating fast food; when you're doing it it tastes OK, but ten minutes later you've forgotten what it tasted like and you're hungry again.
Schlager songs are restricted to one of three themes:-
1. The pleding of undying love,
2. Consoling oneself following the breakup of a love affair ('there's plenty more fish in the sea', 'I'm still young', etc), and
3. Expressing one's love for one's 'Heimat'. (Note that translation of 'Heimat' into English is rather difficult. Strictly, it means 'home', but the word carries with it profound emotions that only a German-speaker can truly understand.)
Strangely, most of the boys tend to sing about Theme 1, whilst the girls mostly choose Theme 2. Both sexes feel free to expound on Theme 3. Whatever, key words to look out for in a Schlager song, other than 'Heimat', are:-
'Sehnsucht' (Desire)
'Herz / Schmerz' (Heart, pain)
'Für immer und ewig' (For ever and ever)
'Liebe' (Love, of course)
'Treu / Scheu' (Faithful, shy)
'Allein' (Alone)
and, somewhat worryingly,
'Feuer' (Fire).
At least one of these words can be found in every Schlager song. It is rumoured that Francine Jordi's 1998 Schlager classic 'Die Feuer der Sehnsucht' actually managed to fit them all in.
The best place to experience Schlager, for the uninitiated, is on TV. Schlager music features prominently in the schedules of national television in Germany, Austria and Switzerland. In Switzerland, look for programmes called things like 'Schlag auf Schlager', 'Musikantenstadl' and 'Musig Plausch'. On no accounts go into a hard-core Schlager club or dance hall. You can almost feel your IQ and your ability to appreciate music dropping away from you, song after song. Then you think; if it wasn't for an accident of history, maybe this would BE pop music.
Aaaarrggghhhhhh....
