h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm not so sure that this is the type of thing I am supposed to be posting here, but I figured maybe someone could give me a little advice. I'm not a psychology expert, in fact I know very little about it and disorders, I just wanted to relate something that is happening with my boyfriend at the moment. My boyfriend very recently had a car accident which killed a pedestrian. Little over a week after this happened, I was on the phone with him and he seemingly changed personalities. I mentioned the word counseling (people were suggesting he seek counseling b/c it is prob. very traumatic to accidently take someone's life) and he kept repeating the word, then said "Chris doesn't need counseling, that stupid baby, do you hear me?!? do you hear me?!?" Afterwards there was a moment of silence where I could here him breathing intensely, then I asked him why he said that and why he was talking about himself in the third person and he had no idea what I was talking about and no recollection of this ever happening. He seemingly was "back to normal" then later on he started muttering something I couldn't really hear, except for the word stupid, and once again he had no idea what I was talking about when I told him that this happened. I kept asking him about it, and he seemingly switched again, saying, "He didn't do anything, do you hear me?!? do you hear me?!? do you hear me?!?" After this, he got silent for a while again, then acted normally again and had no idea what I was talking about and no memory of this happening yet again. Then, the very next night I was on the phone with him again and the same thing happened except he was ranting about something different. I don't know what is going on with him and I am worried. He has told me that in the past he has hallucinated and seen things, if that helps. Like I said, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but can anyone offer some advice?

Hi.,

Welcome to h2g2 I can see this is your first post. I'm not a pschology expert either, but your boyfriend must have had a traumatic experience recently and to me it sounds a little more like his way of dealing with it than an illness of some sort. I can see you must be worried though.... maybe you'd find it useful to find out more information. Are you from the Uk? if so you could try contacted Mind the mental health chairty, they have an telephone information service. (There website is here... [Broken link removed by Moderator]


Although to can post points like this to the botton of any H2G2 entry the only way people would find this is if they happened to be reading this page and felt that they happened to have something to contribute. As there are 4996 edited entries at the time of typing they're not all read all the time.

If you have a question such as this that you feel that you want people's help on a good starting point is ask the h2g2 community here A148907 as this is a very busy page that lots of researchers will read.

We're a very friendly bunch on h2g2 and I'm sure lots of people will do their best to help you.. as it's a personal issue they might want to leave messages on your personal space. So you do have to write and introducition for us to do that. You can do that by clicking on the My Space link, and then the edit page button.

Hope that things work out for you soon..

Hiyas.

First off, some people are subscribed to entries such as this one, so it's not the case, as Z suggested, that you'll only get feedback from people who happen to be reading the entry at the time. When you posted here, it appeared on my conversation list, so I could respond reasonably quickly. To find out more about how to subscribe to entries, click here: <./>DontPanic-Forums#12</.>
Certainly, you will get a different sort of response here, compared to ask h2g2, but not necessarilly worse. See how it goes.

I wish there was an easy answer I could give you, but it's complicated. Where to start...?

I guess my qualifications to help would be a good start. Well, I read a book on 'False Memories and Multiple Personalities' by Spanos, which I would heavily recommend to anyone who's getting involved in the mess. It's the arch-skeptical perspective, which is an invaluable thing to have, even if you disagree with some of what he writes. There is enough information on the web from people who believe in it, but you'll *need* the opposing point of view.

My other qualifications would be that I'm one of those people on h2g2 (see A625123) who is (to some extent) multiple. And I've a general interest. There are others:

U168712 - Willem
U95228 - Doltaghey House
U173889 - LeKZ (now banned from h2g2 for unrelated reasons)



So, what's happening? Well, there is a set of behaviours that gets called DID, as mentioned in the entry above this conversation. It does roughly match with how you describe your boyfriend, in terms of lost memories, lost time, dramatically different attitudes, and so forth. It can be very dysfunctional, in some cases. In other cases, less so.

The 'reality' of DID is open to debate. Some people think it's all faked: that everyone who claims to have DID is deliberately pretending. At the other end of the scale, some people think that it's entirely involuntary and unfakable. I believe the truth is somewhere in the middle, and it's from that angle that I'm giving my advice. This is what I would do, it may not be appropriate for yourself. Pinches of salt are heavilly advised.

You don't want your boyfriend to get DID, especially not in these circumstances. From a traumatic startpoint, it's much more likely to be a dysfunctional version of DID. Your description of the anger of his alter underlines that. That's a bad thing.

Don't validate his DID. Names are very powerful, so refer to him only by his real, legal name. Refer to him only in the singular. Make him take responsibility for all his words and actions, whether he said them, or whether one of his alters said them. Tell him that he's just deluding himself - and that's an entirely natural thing to do, given the circumstances. Don't reward him for being multiple by paying him more attention. Just refuse to speak to him if he's being silly.

I'll mention this thread to some friends of mine, if that's OK. They've each got their own perspective and stories to tell, and that might be helpful.

Be Well
-Martin (and the rest)

One phrase you might like to Google on/ask an actual expert (i.e. a qualified person, not just some random anonymous git on a website) about which hasn't been mentioned yet and which you need to know about is "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder", or even just "Post Traumatic Stress". Nobody could accuse me of knowing more about it than the correct spelling, but you need to know about that too. It's something you *could* talk about to your boyfriend, I think. But don't quote me. Ask a professional, and do it quick.

H.

"Ask a professional, and do it quick."

Agreed.

I'm also not any kind of a therapist or medical professional, but do know a bit about multiple personalities, as I live with a multiple person.

For a bit of information on where to start, see http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/A615061. You might also try raising the subject to him without using the word "counseling." I don't THINK it would make any difference in this case, but you never know.

Simply to endorse what the guys have all said. "See a professional and quick".

And a second piece of advice - watching a loved one go through something like this is in itself traumatic. See that professional on your own behalf, as well as on his.

Good luck.

Ben

ummm i cant seem to find any real information on MPD or MPS as its sometimes called. my partner has it and has developed a violent streak, its pushing us apart, im quite capable of defending myself before anyone asks and i was wondering if anyone had any information? i read somewhere that the problem can fade with maturity but im not sure ive got all my facts straight. if there is anyone who can help, please do. we're really struggling here. thanks.

oh, and the person whose boyfriend was shouting wierd things down the phone at you? watch yourself, if there is one split there might be more, speak to your doctor in confidence about it. because if you ignore the problem or dont deal with it, then it gets worse. trust me. and this other personality sounds as though they are in denial about the accident, watch what you say about the accident, especially face to face. if hes angry about it then you might become a target. get this other personality on side until you decide what to do. its your best bet hun.