h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There are three words to describe how to teach your children the basics...

Patience, Consistency and Encouragement

Too often I see parents try to show their children how to do something, the children make a mess of it so the parent decides it is just easier to do it themselves. Children are inherently lazy about effort that does not bring instant gratification or pleasurable experience.

Make their learning pleasurable and rewarding. Encourge them EVERY time they make an effort, regardless of whether their attempt is successful. Once encouraged a child will try again and again to master a task. Instill in them the benefit of self reliance which brings self respect.

I have two daughters aged 12 and 14. They thrive in an environment of respect. Both of them can create a well balanced meal because they WANT to. They enjoy sitting at the table seeing the family eating a meal that they have made by themselves...and I'm talking about roasts, kebabs with peanut sauce etc.

Their first attempts were messy and of course I was there to guide them, now it's "Mum, go sit down, I'm cooking!"

I love and respect my girls and I am proud of their independence. I am trying to arm them for a world that will not suffer martyrs or the useless. I am teaching them to love and respect themselves and in doing so I have been rewarded a thousand fold seeing their interaction with others and with the love and respect they show me.

I'd add RESPECT as a 4th word. If there is an atmosphere where every member of the family, right down to the cat and/or dog is respected, the child grows up knowing they are worthy. "Good job" or "that's much better this time" goes a long way. Children learn self-respect by being respected as valued members of the family. "I love you", and "You're a great kid" are all-important.

Yes, respect is all important. Not only for the family, as you say, but also for your children's friends. Most of my girl's friends, when they first meet me are surprised that I speak with them the same way I would an adult, treating them with as much consideration as anyone else. Treating equality for ALL, after all, we're all worth it.

I have also seen children ignored in shops until all the adults have been served. If I know a child was there before me I always defer, much to the appreciation of the child, but often to the shock of the retailer.

Yes, I forgot about including the child's friends in respect. It must pay off - my son's friends from school still greet me like an old friend when I meet them. I never have believed in talking down to a child. If you want them to have good verbal skills, you don't baby-talk to them, and you keep an adult-level of language going.

When my son was a child, if he was ignored in a store, he wouldn't go back. At that point he may have been buying candy or baseball cards, but the storekeepers don't think that the kid will grow up, and spend more in their establishment. On the other hand, a thinking storekeeper when he was 11 or 12 said "Thank you Sir" and he beamed!