h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Nonverbal Communication (NVC) is not as simple as explaining gestures, with side-notes that it does not apply to some cultures.

NVC is a difficult subject to grasp given the problem that so many factors affect it that it's impossible (or near impossible) to apply it to different people.

Everyone has their own history of how these gestures were learned and some people have simply been born with it. Simply put, just because someone crosses their arms while speaking to you does not necessarily mean they are defensive. A woman standing outside on a chilly night may be crossing her arms to conserve body heat and/or covering her nipples so that unwanted attention is drawn.

Eye contact is an important factor in many aspects, however it can be completely misinterpreted. Often times shy and timid people cannot hold eye contact for more than just a few seconds without glancing away. This is a sign that depends too deeply on someone's personality to be read as easily as many do. It does not, in this instance, imply that s/he is lying, but that they are merely intimidated by the presence of the person with whom they are speaking.

To pick up the body language of a person, one must observe combinations of behaviours that they are displaying. The ability to tell whether someone is lying depends on many factors that must be observed, rather than just one factor that can completely mislead you.

An example of a good and collective observation to see if someone is lying would be to know the suspected liar. Differences in behaviour from their 'normal' behaviour would indicated that something is out of whack. If, for example, a friend is lying s/he may not hold eye contact as long as they normally do, or hold it a few moments too long. Several studies have also shown that *some* people will tend to look up while making up a lie, indicating that they are using a part of the brain associated with imagination, while looking down is associated with accessing memories. Some people may flush red while lying, others may display different responses, such as using exaggerated hand gestures (once again, differing from their normal behaviour if they do not use hand gestures often) as if to verify or validate the lie to you by illustrating that what they are saying is also physically real. Others may display a lack of gestures suggesting that it is up to you to decide whether what they are saying is a lie or not, reasoning that they are expressing that they do not care whether you believe them or not, they believe it to be true.

One good way of introducing yourself to the subject of body language and NVC is by conciously observing your own behaviour. Not only is this the best introduction, as you *know* what you are thinking or feeling, but it is the first step in identifying what can be considered body-language and what is simply an itch.

The main idea of observing and identifying NVC is to look for things that are out of context. If someone you are talking with consistently keeps look at their watch, they may be bored by the conversation or they may be late for an appointment. What this gesture says is "I have time, but it can't all be spent with you." If you know that person has an appointment to go to, they are simply trying to tell you that they must go, without being impolite. If they have all the time in the world but keep looking at their watch, they may be waiting for something or someone. Then again, they may be trying to convey that you are wasting their time. At this point, try to observe other behaviours without getting fixated on the watch. See if the person is actively participating in the conversation (which means they need to go but will spare a few more minutes for you), or whether they're just listening and agreeing with nearly everything you say (which means they are uninterested and would like this conversation to end). Look for their comfort level: are they figeting, shifting weight, looking around, etc.? (they're trying to disengage from the conversation and engage their attention elsewhere). Or are they sitting back or standing in their place and looking in your direction (eye contact is nice, but not necessary)?

The main point is don't apply one piece of information as meaning everything. You must be observant of all the possible factors that may be contributing to the other person's movements, including things like temperature, climate and weather. If someone is too cold or too hot, they may be easily distracted and will try to find ways of making themselves more comfortable, rather than implying that they are uninterested in you. Don't jump to conclusions, be aware of your surroundings and familiarize yourself with the other person's habits, gestures, signs and body language before making any assumptions.

Hope this helps.

There are different levels of eye gaze in different cultures too. In Japan and some other Asian countries, respect is shown by downcast eyes. In the US, eye gaze is established at the start of the conversation, and then allowed to wander, occasionally checking back throughout the course of the discussion. The British look at each other rather more while talking. (This all applies to the mainstream Hearing culture in each area. Eye gaze has different and quite specific meanings in Deaf communities.)

Source: Mindess, Anna. Reading Between the Signs : Intercultural Communication for Sign Language Interpreters.

TRiG.