h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was shocked to discover a few years ago that all of my friends thought I was a total flirt whenever we went out. As I don't normally flirt with many people I asked why they thought this. The reply was simply that I gave eye contact and laughed when anything funny was said. Flirting??!! No. I do that anyway with anybody I'm having a conversation with and take offence that people should think it means something else. That's the big problem with body language, its meaning is very often based on the other person's idea of what it should look like. The particular friend who first mentioned this so-called flirting of mine is quiet and doesn't maintain eye contact when she talks to people, unless she's flirting with them. In this way, I think it can be a misleading medium of cummunication sometimes as others impose their own ideas over what you are doing.

i get the same thing but people say i look like im angry or im about to get violent wiv people when im having a perfectly normal happy conversation

I get that sometimes - people think I flirt because of eye contact and laughing, and also think I get aggravated about things quickly. Well, I keep eye contact because I feel it's impolite not to look at people who are talking to you, and I laugh at everything because I'm easily amused As for the getting aggravated - I don't know how people think that, because I usually don't really care about anything. And I do not get aggravated (except when babysitting, but that's a whole other story ).

I have a supervisor who takes body language seriously, so it's difficult to stand - or sit - in staff meetings. She is scoping out everyone's posture and reading in possible resistance to She Who Must Be Obeyed. Of course, it must work both ways. She'll stand with her chest thrown out when there are Fire demi-gods around. She used to work in Fire and that seems to be the next-best place for people overly-proud of their physiques after gyms. She'll stare at your eyebrows and lie to you until you notice she's not actually looking you in the eye.

What a lot we must be then to her trained eye! If I scratch my chin, am I flirting with her? If I scratch me head, am I thinking? My office mate doodles incessantly because he knows there's not much to do at staff except wait to be dismissed. Look busy - the Boss is here!

There is something to people's postures, but it's making a large assumption that you can tell who the emotion is directed at. I prefer to spend time talking to someone to get my basic information. Body language is a last-ditch. Someone staring at me from across the room may signal they're finding me attractive, but it could be they find me funny looking.

I used to get into a lot of trouble with my boyfriend (now husband) for so called flirting. He would say that when ever I spoke to people I would look directly into their eyes, smile alot and look interested in their every word. Of course he would only get bothered when I spoke to men. I had no idea I did this, like you it's part of my personality. When we go out I now have to make a conscious effort not to look directly at any men I talk to and really control my body language. It has really stunted my personality and I love it when I can go somewhere without him so I can really be myself.

That whole eye contact thing seems fishy to me. I try deliberately to maintain eye contact when I'm talking to people - unless I'm "interested" in them or talking about myself. My best friend then finds it creepy that I notice people's eye colors.
And that rubbing the nose thing also sounds like total bunk. I've never seen anyone do it, and I rub my nose when I'm thinking hard about something (though I know just about no one else does this).

That flared nostrils thing meaning a woman is horny is a load of balony in my case, because I flare my nostrils when I'm emotional, like during the uplifting ending of a film, or when I'm incredibly angry!

It could be when I'm horny too - I don't know. I'm usually too busy to stop and analyse it! Maybe it just means extreme emotion.

I also went on a first date and scratched my nose constantly from when the meal ended until I went home. I had to tell my date that it happens ocasionally, but that I wasn't lying - honest! It wasn't until I went for another Chinese meal a month later, that I connected the two.

So I went for a food tolerance test, and with process of illimination; Wheat makes my arms itch. Cow's milk makes my shins itch and monosodium glutamate makes my nose itch!

omg yes, apparantly i flirt with everyone and i 'smirk' to. so upsetting as i dont mean to and am unconsiously doing it....

Hi Bethal,
If you had said that one friend was confused or wrong that would make sense, but you say ALL of your friends. That means every single one of your friends don't even know you? Could they all be wrong? Body language is more often than not unconsious and the cues are picked up by others. Does the people you're talking to also think you're flirting? If yes I think you should alter your body language to prevent confusion. It is a well known fact that 70% of our communication is through body language, and if people are picking this up (All people) wrong then you should look deep into yourself.

I have also been accused of flirting with men because I like to look into people's eyes - I find it helps me to "see" the real person.
I do not flirt with them at all but I can see how my actions could be mis-interpreted - thats the problem with stuff like body language - its all depends on people's interpretation!

I often seem to catch peoples eye or make eye contact with them when i dont mean or want to and a lot of the time it can be really embarrassing. In a pefectly innocent conversation with a married man recently he started to twist his wedding ring and move it up and down his finger ? a subconcious gesture ? was i making him nervous without realising it ?

I had this same problem with I boyfiend I went out with for 4 years.
Although I have been loving reading the body language section & find it very interesting, in many cases you cannot rest too much faith in the art of reading it.
I was accused many times of flirting because I was avidly listening to particular people, or laughing because I just generally found what they were saying amusingly. And just like you said, this only seemed to be a problem if the person was male (even if it was someone I would never look twice at in a romantic way).
I put up with this kind of behaviour for years, and hated having to be concious of my behaviour when talking to peaople when my boyfirend was around.
Then one day I thought sort it out, this is no kind of relationship if I cant just relax and enjoy being myself amongst others. I broke up with him and we have remained friends and it was honestly one of the best decisions I have ever made. I now enjoy my life and love chilling with my friends. I am honest (sometimes a maybe a little too much) but I am somebody who people trust and enjoy being around.
Never let somebody control what you do man, you should just be able to chill out, relax and be yourself. It brings you closer to people, and people feel closer to you. It builds trust and makes your relationships stronger because people are conversing with the real you.

I had this same problem with I boyfiend I went out with for 4 years.
Although I have been loving reading the body language section & find it very interesting, in many cases you cannot rest too much faith in the art of reading it.
I was accused many times of flirting because I was avidly listening to particular people, or laughing because I just generally found what they were saying amusing. And just like you said, this only seemed to be a problem if the person was male (even if it was someone I would never look twice at in a romantic way).
I put up with this kind of behaviour for years, and hated having to be concious of my behaviour when talking to peaople when my boyfirend was around.
Then one day I thought sort it out, this is no kind of relationship if I cant just relax and enjoy being myself amongst others. I broke up with him and we have remained friends and it was honestly one of the best decisions I have ever made. I now enjoy my life and love chilling with my friends. I am honest (sometimes a maybe a little too much) but I am somebody who people trust and enjoy being around.
Never let somebody control what you do man, you should just be able to chill out, relax and be yourself. It brings you closer to people, and people feel closer to you. It builds trust and makes your relationships stronger because people are conversing with the real you.