h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As I clicked on to this subject, I thought to myself, I bet old Frag has something interesting to say about this....and what do I find??

As always, F, you broaden my knowledge. The "British Hotel Plumbing" simile explains my lack of success in the understanding of the anatomical details of what is going on. Here's me thinking it was just a case of rubbing this bit, tickling that bit and sticking bits in there. Now I see that I must also do some swearing, banging on pipes and complaining to the management. The right track at last. Thanks.

I had been led to understand that the female of the species also liked to indulge in 'Fantasy' whilst all the physical activity was going on (Some, of course, will persist in reading magazines, studying the wallpaper or making shopping lists) and wondered why that element was missing. Then I discovered that one of the links you suggest has the soundtrack of the 'Munute Waltz'. This may, of course, be a subtle reference to the time taken indulging, or could be a derogatory reference to the inferior, rapid version of events when a male is in attendance. But then I realised that it was not an explanation of what the female partner may have been up to in the bathroom ('Just a minute, darling!') but actually refers to the quiz show 'Just a Minute' and its chairman who must surely be a sex god, and the object of many a female fantasy. Your secrets are revealed!

(I think you will find many references to the game, and NP on h2g2, should its delights have escaped you thus far)

Heh heh. How could you tell I wrote this?

Now, we must be careful when using British Hotel Plumbing as a simile. I originally included a link to an entry at h2g2, only to realize later that it isn't part of the ediited guide. That entry is at http://www.h2g2.com/A338960

I do certainly recommend having a conversation with the management about what you can expect *before* jumping in the shower. However, I must stress that banging on the pipes is *never* a good idea unless the hotel management has requested you do so. Swearing is optional, and depends more on the said hotel's standards than anything else.

Women do indeed engage in fantasy, but I find it hard to believe that men do not. I feel both genders fantasize during whatever sort of sexual activity. I didn't feel it was specific enough to Female Masturbation to require inclusion in the entry. But of course, this is merely my opinion.

I'm afraid I'm not familiar with 'Just a Minute,' although I clearly should be. I suppose I'll have to check up on it, as soon as I can get these pipes unclogged. Just kidding!

I was also glad to see the bit about women not knowing much of how their plumbing works. It helps me understand that aspect of female sexuality, where they go, to quote Sam Kinison, "Here's the *****, you figure it out!" Obviously they do that because they haven't figured it out themselves. It is time to explore together...

I'm not sure, Colonel, about all this mutual stuff. Seems to me that the two parties involved have diametrically opposed ideas about what a successful outcome may be. Each to their own, I say. I am not convinced that the species deserves to continue anyway, so here may be an entirely satisfactory way of self extinction.

That (anonymous?) plumbing article is v good, Frag. Are you suggesting then that a consultation at reception before proceeding to the room will yield better results. Are the receptionists open to bribery? Will, for example, a box of chocolates and a bunch of flowers secure a room with fully functional plumbing?

Britain is currently afflicted with a plague of economically priced 'Travel-Inns' and the like, all brand new, with perfect plumbing everywhere, but, sadly, there is minimal reception and no refreshment facilities. Altogether a soulless experience. The choice is difficult. The 'Fawlty Towers' experience, unpredictable and requiring a great sense of humour or the antiseptic efficiency of its modern replacement.

If ever asked to define 'Britishness' I would define it as 'Radio 4'. A speech based national station that combines lots of boring but informative stuff with plays, soap operas, cricket and comedy, often quirky. Throughout h2g2 you will see references to 'The Archers', 'Just a minute' 'Mornington Crescent' 'The News Quiz' and many others. It is also, of course, the bithplace of 'The Hitchhikers Guide...'. If you ever visit this peculiar country, I suggest that you recover from your scalding/freezing shower by sitting on your lumpy bed in your bizarrely decorated room, eat a stale digestive biscuit with a cup of warmish tea made with foul long-life milk or 'non-dairy creamer' and tune to Radio 4. There is no way you will feel the slightest inclination to contemplate the subject in hand, but you just might understand better the psyche of this odd place.

I agree the plumbing entry is very good. In fact, I've gone and plugged it into the Peer Review system. I think it deserves a greater readership.

I would suggest a consultation with the receptionist. If the receptionist knows how to get the plumbing to work properly, she'll probably be more than happy to tell you. However, I wouldn't expect her to be open to bribery per se.

The thing is that the receptionist is no better at fixing plumbing problems than you are. It's probably just a matter of figuring exactly how much pressure to apply, with what sort of timing, with whatever temperature as your goal, using which bits, and in what order exactly. If the receptionist can't help you and you figure it all out, just do everyone a favor and pass on your knowledge to her.

Will do. It seems however that I shall have to make an advance reservation, as I often find the receptionist asleep at her post and, if woken, decidedly grumpy and unwilling to answer my simple enquiries! We definitely need a more American attitude to customer service.

On the subject of fantasy, I recently discussed fantasy with a man I knew and he was shocked when I told him that women fantasize about different things when having sex. Even *gasp* different people! His response was if you were the type to sleep around then he could understand fantasizing but if you were with the person you love, the only thing that should be on your mind (whether you're male or female) is the person you are with. After all, if you TRULY love the person you shouldn't want for anyone else. I think my response was to laugh, tell him he was nuts and point out that if you were sleeping with different people often you would have LESS reason to employ fantasy than if you were with the same person every time. He didn't believe me. Or he was faking it, which is likely. To put it into perspective, I recently read a statistic that said 70% of men and 70% of women fantasize during sex.

While the "sex god" part is still open to question as far as I am concerned, the thing about 70% of either sex fantasizing about their partner/role during the "act", I find amazing. Why must anyone? I must be either extremely naive (an opinion I reject with 50+ years experience in cynicism) or a freak. If anyone has time to fantasize during sex, someone isn't keeping them busy enough! Or maybe that's the point. I have never had anyone (except my ex) ever say they needed any other impetus besides myself to help them attain a satisfactory conclusion. Or maybe they were being nice so I would do it again. But why would they do that if they had fun? I am getting a headache from this circular [il]logic.

Anyway, I, personally, have never found fantasizing while I was either pleasuring a lover or being pleasured by a lover necessary. Being sensitive to the responses of a lover to my efforts leads me to modifiy my ministrations to elicit a more appropriate response. Or, as one lover put it (to my embarrassment), "You are playing me like an instrument.". While the analogy is applicable, it sounded so insensitive when she said it. My point is that I have always subscribed to the philosophy that my lover cums first. My total effort is to elicit the most intense climax possible from him/her; all else is secondary. I'll get my satisfaction later. And, when things seem to be lagging, I experiment! I occasionally still find an erogenous zone on my wife of 12 years!

I had a lot of fun between marriages and I never found a lover who did not have at least one feature (and usually a lot more!) which I could focus on sexually without having to fantasize about he/she being something other than what they were. I never confused my first wife and my lover (fortunately for my safety) because I was/am always immersed in the present when making love. Every lover/lovemaking is a unique opportunity and I have only ruined a couple of those opportunities to explore someone else's erotic limits.

And I have NEVER felt that any of my lovers could be compared to British hotel plumbing. Although a couple had an aromatic whiff which might be comparable . . . but a good flushing of the pipes and that was gone.

Just a quibble, but I don't think it's a question of whether fantasizing is *necessary* during sex with a partner, but whether it's *enjoyable*.

After all, one can experience sexual pleasure and/or achieve orgasm in the course of a fairly mechanical application of stimulus to the right nerve endings, but I think most people would agree that there is more to it than that. Sex can be enhanced by aesthetic or sensual phenomena (silky hair, soft skin, candlelight, perfume, non-sexual massage). It can be enhanced by feelings of love and respect. It can be enhanced by a feeling of danger or shame (sex in public places, sex with someone your mother would never approve of) or by an element of novelty. Some people enjoy the feeling of being overpowered (by the right person, anyway), and some enjoy the feeling of overpowering others.

Obviously, I could go on and on. My point is that fantasizing is just another way of adding to the experience. In addition to the physical stimulus and sensual phenomena and emotional enhancement of being with someone you love, you also get a little extra frisson from imagining that you've been kidnapped and forced to be Ralph Fiennes' love slave (or whatever...). The fantasy isn't necessary for you to have a good time, but that's no reason not to indulge, right?

Indigo S.