How To Swing A Hammock
Created | Updated Nov 5, 2008
We all have certain 'hammock moments' - you know: lying there while the hammock swings at exactly the right speed, listening to that just perfect piece of music or reading that particularly interesting book, knowing that four full weeks remain of your holiday. You feel your eyelids getting extremely heavy...
But how did you get to this state of sheer nirvana? Was it dumb luck? Researchers have attempted to discover the best way of getting your hammock up to that just-right rocking speed, and the following method came about after hours, nay, weeks, of intense hammock usage. The hammock must be self-propelled, of course. The use of any external device or third party to attain the perfect speed is seen as cheating.
The Suggested Method
Once you are in your hammock (sometimes akin to a Herculean feat in itself), ensure you are lying straight. Now you can begin.
Raise your right knee so that your heel is touching, or at least nearly touching, your right buttock. Keep your left leg straight.
Move your right knee quickly to your right in such a manner that your leg now forms a triangle extending horizontally from your body. Doing so will cause the hammock to move left, ever so slightly. You are now in motion.
As soon as the leftward motion reaches its peak, be sure to move your right knee to the opposite position on the left, keeping your heel as close as possible to the corresponding buttock. You have probably already guessed that this will propel you to the right. As before, when the motion reaches its peak, be sure to move your knee back to the position described at Step 1.
Repeat as necessary.
You are advised to lower your knee when you have reached the desired speed. Doing so will prolong the period of time before which you would have to re-acquire speed. Unattended, your knee will flop about, countering the movement you have induced and so braking your speed, which you probably do not want.
Now, relax.
We hope this step-by-step guide will allow you to reach wondrous heights of new-found pleasure on your next hammocking session. Good luck!
