h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"So, if you're a friend of someone who's being bullied, what should you do to help without of course, making things worse? Therein lies a query..."

- Listen. It is important to learn that when people talk to you about their problems, they do not really want you to 'fix' them. What you would do in their situation is utterly irrelevant. Keep your thoughts to yourself - they will come across as judgements and no one wants to be judged by their problems.
- Ask Questions. 'What happened next?' is always good - people love to tell stories to an eager audience. 'What will you do next time?' is hopeful and may provoke a request for assistance.
- Share knowledge. 'I read this great article on h2g2', 'when I was about your age, what happened to me was …' Note that you share the sources of knowledge, and do not attempt to impress your friend with your insight and wisdom.
- Help, if asked. This problem belongs to your friend, so don't go taking charge. In particular, do not intervene without your friend's knowledge and consent, which would be a catastrophic loss of control of the situation for your friend.
- Be trustworthy. Your friend trusted you with this problem. It is not gossip.
- Be a friend. Invite your friend along the next time you are doing something, especially if it involves a group of people.

Good points, all of them.

" Keep your thoughts to yourself - they will come across as judgements ". Not, I think, necessarily.

I agree about helping out though. You can't know the friend's way of dealing with these situations, and help may be unwanted. I have been bullied myself. I generally just laugh it off or make a joke about it. But one time I was with a friend and these guys started slagging me. I was there with the usual "Shut up", but this guy got all defensive, went into a fighting stance (a poor one, at that - he would have been flattened), and was all "hey, leave him alone!". I appreciated fully the fact that he supported me, but I have my own way of handling it, thanks.

If it goes too far I DO go beserk as described in the article. One time I overturned a guy's desk, sending him flying onto the floor and scatterring his books etc, all over the carpet. It was all cleared up before the teacher arrived and he was ok, so nothing was said about it. But I did get some respect, people were like "whoa..". I am rarely pushed passed that mark now. It's all a bravado thing now. You gotta slag the "nerds", but it isn't serious and I can enjoy a good slagging match as much as anyone else. It does sometimes get physical, but it rarely hurts, and isn't ever really intended to. There was a real m*********er in the class once, but we complained to the school, and he was expelled.

If anyone is ever really hurt, either emotionally or physically, the bully apologises, after a fashion. He'd maybe say "You ok? I didn't mean to hurt you that bad, you know I was only messing, right?". If a member of the class is seriously bullied, he is supported and the descision whether to rat the guy out or not is up to them.

Perhaps mine is a very unusual circumstance, but I think that people take insults too seriously.

I went the berserk route myself in school, it wasn't a strategy though, I really was berserk. For those who cannot master that trick, I have been told that one way to deal with physical bullying(for lunch money or the like especially) is to stand up and fight back once, no matter how bad at it you are. You will get a beating that time, but the bully will often decide that its too much trouble to keep haveing to wrestle you down, and will pick on you less in future.

I went the berserk route myself in school, it wasn't a strategy though, I really was berserk. For those who cannot master that trick, I have been told that one way to deal with physical bullying(for lunch money or the like especially) is to stand up and fight back once, no matter how bad at it you are. You will get a beating that time, but the bully will often decide that its too much trouble to keep haveing to wrestle you down, and will pick on you less in future.