A Conversation for Marie de Guise
Many errors: are you *sure* this was Sub-Edited?
Sea Change Started conversation Nov 18, 2003
Dependent clause 'as was the way with Scottish heirs' needs to be set off with commas.
at Stirling: the castle, city or county? It's specified as castle later in the article, but up until now, there's no reason anyone not familiar with the history would guess.
The sentence starting 'In 1542': This sentence is unintelligible. There seem to be at least three sentence fragments, and may or may not be necessarily related, depending on the author's intention. I know nothing at all of Scottish history, so I have no suggestions how to fix this.
The sentence with 'Marie to stay with the Queen in Stirling Castle': The usage of the word 'Queen' suffers from inconsistency and needs to be fixed throughout the article. In some places the article specifies the Mary as infant- or child-Queen, and in other places as just the Queen. I don't know royal terms or Scottish heraldry, being Unitedstatian, but I thought the role of Regent implied that the person being protected doesn't actually have the title yet. I was wondering, when I read this, just which Queen was being referred to and where she possibly came from.
The sentence starting 'He also seized several ships...' is a run-on sentence. The remainder is a fragment, so I have no suggestions how to fix this absent knowledge of what was really going on at the time.
'the out of the agreement': 
I have no idea what is meant by this.
'co-regency with Arran': earlier in the article, Marie is described as Regent all by herself. How did Arran manage to maneuver himself into a co-regency, and why would Marie permit this? Was this always the case, but omitted earlier in the article?
'However Hamilton didn't struggle...': 
I can't make any sense of this sentence.
'Marie however...': No need for 'however' here it can be omitted. This is a sentence without any dependent clauses or reference to any other sentence. There is an excess of the word 'however' in this article, but in most cases it is condoneable for style reasons.
'It led to Scotland...': this sentence is a run-on. I'm not sure what the main idea is here, so I have no suggestions on how to fix this.
'Her body was embalmed...': this sentence is another run-on.
Many errors: are you *sure* this was Sub-Edited?
Smij - Formerly Jimster Posted Nov 18, 2003
As with the other entry you've addressed, I can only apologise for somehow not pasting in the Edited version of this entry. I've given it a revision now.
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