Agony Aunt
Created | Updated Jun 21, 2003
Dear AA
I wrote to you three weeks ago about my obsession with Footie.
You somehow managed to mix up this very European problem with one
concerned more with what I can only describe as overtly sexual.
I feel that I have to contact you again and ask you whether I am missing out on something? Now that the European Championships are finished my thoughts inevitably have turned to tennis.
I am terribly confused as to why the umpires keep calling the players 'Love'. Could it be that all sports are really just a way to establish relationships and, if so, what do you consider the best sport to take up in order to further this concept?
Signed:
Call me... please call me!
Dear Please Call Me
Oh dear, you are a confused little thing aren't you! Having been a very good competitor in most sports in my youth, I can tell you that physical exercise is not the way to go if you want to form relationships. All that sweating and injuries... not to mention the delicate subject of assault to the nostrils... just isn't comparable to a romantic evening spent over a good meal with plenty of alcohol.
I must confess that I, infact, met dear Mr AA when I was playing a very hot and long set at a local tennis club. He took it upon himself to shout out the scores, and did seem to relish using the word 'love' rather too much. This wasn't very helpful as I was losing at the time. It was only much later, after a few refreshing drinks in the club, bar that I really bothered to even speak to him, and then only because he offered to buy me the most expensive item on the menu.
My advice is to go to a bar, go to a club, go anywhere but a sports venue. The sort of people you find there are far too 'in love' with their own bodies to be at all interested in yours!
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