The Prez Elections: Peregrin and Bluebottle.
Created | Updated Jun 21, 2003
Peregrin's preliminary policies and opinions
- Regarding the most important presidential issue,
abortion, I am both pro-choice and pro life1. It's good to get on the right side of everybody. . - I believe wholeheartedly in banning all
nuclear testing, and in discarding all nuclear warheads. I suggest that we discard
them by throwing them forcibly at anywhere still testing. Like the French government. - More Donuts, and More Beer for Everyone.
- I am a firm believer in Jubilee 2000. This involves canceling all debts of third world countries.
- I will also send all food mountains to the third
world. - Oh, and I am also a strong believer in freeing
Tibet from Chinese oppression. - I am even willing to spell 'colour' without the
U if it helps the Americans like me. - I also believe in banning handguns.
- I agree wholeheartedly in chopping Microsoft into two. In fact, I think that it should be mashed into thousands of little pieces. And hung, drawn and
quartered. Then burnt. - I will not take monetary bribes. I will
consent to sex with beautiful secretaries,however. - I think that Starburst sweets should be
renamed Opal Fruits, as they originally were.
The team
Peregrin, the candidate
Peregrin is a 19 year old male. His youthfulness
is only matched by his
enthusiasm and psychotic nature.
He first met h2g2 soon after the site was launched. After a brief look around, his access to the internet was brutally wrenched from his grasp for what seemed like an eternity. When he returned from his holidays and borrowed a modem, he started getting involved a little more.
He has personally met a good number of h2g2 researchers, having gone to two of the London meet ups. They can therefore assure you that while Peregrin may be a little eccentric, he isn't too dangerous. As long as he is kept away from baseball bats.
On h2g2, he is both an ACE and a Subeditor. He finds ACEing fun, as he gets to meet loads of new researchers, and write enthusiastic welcome messages on their pages, and have them ignored entirely. He is dedicating more time to Subediting these days, which he prefers. He finds building up h2g2 into an interactive encyclopaedic2 community site an engrossing and interesting hobby.
He is well experienced for the role of President,
having personally thrown eggs at the current Prime Minister, the Welsh secretary, the President of America, and many other influential people.
His personal hobbies include Smiling At Cameras,
Shaking Hands With Important People, Laughing Manically, Declaring War, and other nice things.
Bluebottle, the vice
Bluebottle's ideas regarding the future development of h2g2 are well known. The first thing he did on his arrival was to go to the pub and invent the c|_| for everyone to grab hold of. This, and the name 'bottle' could possibly be used to suggest a more alcoholic temperament. I'm not saying that he is alcoholic, but he has collected Alcoholics Anonymous cards in more languages than currently exist, including Esperanto and Klingon.
He claims to be twenty years old, but strangely enough, no other member of his family has ever been on h2g2. All rumours that he murdered them and then played Jenga3 with their mutilated limbs are denied, although everyone who spread these rumours strangely disappeared a few days later...
Why vote for Peregrin?
Well, why not?
My Opponents
I refuse to run smear campaigns on any of my opponents, because I believe that deep down they're all nice people. Their lousy personal hygiene and suspicious connections with organised crime are entirely unimportant to the matter in hand.
Seriously
I rarely say anything serious, but there are some
issues too important to joke about. Maybe not too important to make a few snide remarks about, but nothing offensive. You know what I mean.
I'm not running in this campaign competitively,
it's just a bit of fun, and I don't mind that much who wins. However, if I am elected to the powerful and influential position of President of h2g2, I intend to use my position of authority to full effect as to illuminating the public about important topics. Well, actually what I intend to do is warble on a bit in a weekly POST article, but the former sentence sounds far more impressive.
What are these 'important topics'? A variety of
things. Of course sometimes I'll write something silly, anyone who has met me knows that I am incapable of staying serious for very long. I am a great believer in human rights - and anything that I write in the POST that can enlighten people about the suffering in the Congo, terrorism in Indonesia and oppression in Tibet will be more than worth it.
I am also a naturalist - not the clothes discarding type, that's a naturist - and I feel strongly about ecological issues, like whaling, oil dumping and nuclear testing.
I'm sure I'll think of other things to write about as well. There's plenty of issues I feel strongly about, like for example the incredibly nauseating and degrading techniques toy manufacturers and advertisers are using to sell trashy worthless goods to children nowadays.
And why read what I have to say about these topics? Well you don't have to. But you never know, you might learn something.
It's my way of letting off steam.
More Information
- Peregrin's user page
- Bluebottle, Peregrin's vice
- Peregrin's Campaign Headquarters
- The Main Campaign Headquarters
- Peregrin's
non-h2g2 home page
logic hold a place in h2g2? If you're so pinickety
then you've probably already dug through my life history, past h2g2 pages, and entire user journal; in which case you've probably decided that
you're not going to vote for such a lunatic anyway. So why am I trying to get you to vote for me? I
don't know. Go away and look at the entry on Aphrodisiacs instead, it's far
more educational.2He
can also write long words. Impressive, eh?3Jenga means build in Swahili. I bet you didn't know that.
