Somewhere in the eastern part of the state of Tennessee in the United States, there is a little dimple of a town that is often ignored by the rest of the state. This little town is called Oneida, and it is run by Mayor Jack E. Lay. The town has something of a history in the state as being stubborn and rude, but now the people are some of the nicest this researcher has met.

Methods of Pronouncing "Oneida"

Although the correct way to pronounce "Oneida" (in terms of the town's name) is "Oh-nye-duh," many people tend to pronounce it in terms of the tribe of Native Americans from the vicinity of New York, "Oh-nee-duh." Another wild interpretation of the name has arisin recently: "Oh-nee-i-duh."

Things to do in Oneida

Oneidians are very proud of their new Wal-Mart Supercentre that recently opened. This fact says much about the town, there is actually very little to do. The public library is located at 290 South Main Street. The author of this article works there and invites you all to stop by if you're in the neighborhood.

The town's inhabitants are also proud of their football team. This is the American type, although the High School has a competent soccer team. Both teams are nicknamed the "Indians," which is actually a cruel racial slur against the previous inhabitants of the country. It is worth noting, however, that there is a real tribe called the Oneida Indians, but their name was pronounced O-nee-duh.

Teens in town often complain of having no place to go, and this is quite true. Most of the teens merely go "cruising" on weekends, but the rapidly rising gas prices will most likely put an end to this soon.

The Education System

The town's present high school is located on Main Street. It is a fairly new institution, and the superintendent is very very proud of the fact that there is no asbestos in the school. The principal is a good fellow with bad english. This is a constant joke among the students.

Places to Eat

The town contains a minor variety of choices for food. Most of the places to eat are burger joints such as McDonald's and Burger King. There are two pizza places, Pizza Hut and Domino's Pizza. Domino's is only resturaunt in town with free delivery, and the prices there are appropriate for the quality of food. There are no "sit down" resuraunts, but there two that come close--Rancho Grande, a Mexican place that also has take out, and Preston's Loft, "Your Favorite Hometown Steak and Pizza." The food there is rather expensive, and reports on the quality are skewed at best. The author of this article does not recommend eating there, but several other townsfold probably will. Trey's V is the local Chinese food vendor, and is highly recommended for taste, and prices are actually quite appropriate for amount of food and taste. They have a lunch buffet that also comes highly recommended.

The "Food Court" is a rather new addition to the town, and began with an Arby's, a Long John Silver's, a Taco Bell, and a Baskin Robbins. Now, however, there is only Arby's and LJS's. The food there is moderately priced and rather good. Recommended.

There are two Subways¹ in town, but this author has only eaten on at one of them. Both come highly recommended by the townfolk.

One of the newest places to eat is the new Kentucky Fried Chicken, but many people would recommend the older Mrs. Winner's Chicken over the KFC.

The town has no bars of its own, but many people go to adjoining towns to drink and be merry. Rancho Grande, the Mexican resturaunt, does sell tequila and liquor, and Pizza Hut sells Budweiser. The town does not allow beer to be sold on Sundays.

The People

The population of the town of Oneida is primarily Protestant, although there are a few Catholics, a family of Sikhs, several Muslims, and a single lonely Baha'i². There are no persons of African descent in town, which is one of the reasons no one mentions it. Lots of people are convinced that the town is very southern (e.g. waving Rebel flags³, referring often of the Ku Klux Klan, and using a fake southern accent) but are seemingly unaware that the county did not join the Confederacy during the civil war. It separated from the rest of the state and was the "Independent State of Scott" during the Civil War. It did not join the Union or the Confederacy. Also, the county was officially at war with the nation of Japan until the 1980's. The courthouse burned down, and no one realized that we hadn't recoginized that World War Two was over. This possibly helps to explain the hapless racism that goes on here.

A Short History of Oneida

Like many towns in this part of the country, Oneida began due to the railroads that ran through the town. The trains carried coal and lumber from the many strip mines in the area to such bigger cities as Knoxville or Oak Ridge. One very interesting thing that has happened due to this is the fact that Oneida tried to tax the railroads passing through in the 1920's, so the state decided to disband the town charter. The town reclaimed the charter, and again tried to tax the trains. Finally, after a threat of total removal by the state, the town decided to not tax the trains anymore.

There are not any famous people from Oneida, but a quick look into his diary shows that World War One hero Alvin C. York passed through the town on his way to military training. Most of the townsfolk do not know this themselves.

The Geography of Oneida

Oneida lies on top of what is known as the Cumberland Plateau in the Appalachian Mountains. Most of the landscape is rather hilly. There is much coal to be found in the area and many companies have invested in that resource. The town is relatively close to the much larger cities of Knoxville and Oak Ridge⁴. When asked where the town is, the more clever townsfolk will generally reply with "About eighty miles from anything."