A pint of Green Death is fluorescent green. Those unfortunate enough to remember Orville the Duck¹ will know the precise colour. Due to its distinctive colour and luminosity, the first effects noticeable are the admiring glances of other patrons in the bar.

Green Death does not taste alcoholic, that is its power. After drinking a few pints of this fruity and innocuous brew the imbiber's inhibitions begin to loosen; this leads to heavier drinking and looser inhibitions in a downward spiral.

The up side of drinking Green Death is that it gives the drinker a 'happy high', one where dancing becomes easy, singing brings rounds of spontaneous applause and members of the opposite sex become more than usually sexually attractive. It also tastes good.

The down side of drinking Green Death is that tomorrow always comes and the Piper must always be paid.

Green Death - the Drink

Ingredients

• 1/2 pint lager

• 1/2 pint cider

• One small (single serving) bottle of orange juice

• One shot of Blue Curacao

Method

1. First buy a pint of Snakebite which is a drink consisting of lager and cider mixed about 50:50. The traditional Snakebite loved by hard drinkers throughout the world can be difficult to purchase as some publicans refuse to serve it, presumably believing that it was responsible for the Stock Market Crash of the 1980s.

2. If you can't buy a pint of Snakebite buy a half of lager and a half of cider and combine in a pint glass out of sight of the publican. This can be a costly business as it sometimes involves the purchase of expensive imported 'designer beers'.

3. When you at last have a pint of Snakebite drink a quarter of it.

4. Next take a small bottle of orange juice and pour from six inches above the glass.

5. Repeat the procedure with a shot of Blue Curacao.