h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Actually, that's a bit redundant. Somewhere, deep inside the caves just outside Milton Keynes there is a massive industry....taking perfectly made trolleys...then twisting one wheel to make certain the trolley never runs true again. If only this plant could be discovered....blown up....life would be just that much easier.....

Yes, but European law* requies all trolleys to be fitted with one wonky wheel. If we don't do it ourselves, them foreign nurks will, and we'll have to put up with "Le trolley europeanne mit dem VonkeeVeelen" (Appologies to all our european neighbours, I'm not a manic anti-european, despite the best efforts of some of our politicians).

*The same law that requires atleast one passenger on a bus to have a personal stereo that goes tsshhhh tshhhh tssshhh tsshhhh tshhhh incessantly.

The conspiracy reaches further than Europe! The mandatory Wonky Wheel is installed on trolleys across Australia, as is the leaky personal stereo. Perhaps the modifications were done by an agent sent from the Milton Keynes HQ, with his radio link disguised as a personal stereo .....

I can only assume that that is the same European law that means that whenever you have a headache and are on a train, the people sitting next to you will listen to all of their mobile phone tunes to see which is the "coolest", not realising they are all annoying.

I missed that one, but it's true. After having got drenched in french exported rain (sent over the channel specially timed to ambush me just as I left work), a group of obnoxious people were playing with their phones on the 17:24 from Fareham to Portsmouth.

It's happened to me many times... Surely people by now have got used to all the mobile phone tunes that exist - there isn't that many.
One thing that's fun is there's an ice-cream van in Southampton which has a tune identical to one of the popular mobile phone tunes. When it goes by, people take out their phones, look at them, and then look confused...
I wonder why they don't realise that it's not coming from their phones, but the van?

There are a couple of chart singles about which have ringing phones in them. Drives many a phone user bonkers.

Mine just Brrrrr Brrrrr when it goes off, and half the time it's too quiet for me to notice, because as phones go, it's a bit c**p. New one on order...

I've come to the conclusion that I'm the only person on this planet to not have a mobile phone. I've seen 5 year old kids with them - and that, to me, is wrong.
They shouldn't need a mobile phone, a parent or teacher should be with them at all times.
(or responsible, and known, adult)

I need a mobile, because I'm seldom in.
Actually, if you call me on the mobile, due to it's pathetic attempt at ringing, I'm probably not in there either, which sort of defeats the whole point.

The main reason for having it is that I am technically on-call at all times, however, the people who are supposed to call me always complain, when I meet up with them again the following day, that I'm never in; odd how they never leave a message on the voicemail/answerphone..?

Somone once said that the only constants in the universe are bureaucracy and stupidity. I disagree. I think they are increasing exponentially.

I can understand needing a mobile if you aren't near a land-phone, but surely children shouldn't need them...?

Oh well, me showing my age again.. and I'm only young!