Nothing is forever. Not even the sun and the stars. Well, stupidity is forever. Ok. At least one thing is forever. Stupidity creates this timeless, dark, self-perpetuating aura that just engulfs things and smothers the joy and light out of the universe.

Sort of like the time Uncle Harvey got bitten by a brown recluse spider on his nether regions whilst using the two-holer out behind his house because he was too cheap to pay a plumber to unstop Aunt Hattie's drains and was waiting for Cousin Floyd to get off work so he could get the job done for free.

Uncle Harvey was a modest man and was loathe to show his boney butt to anyone but Aunt Hattie, who was upset with him over the drain and was secretly delighted that the spider, not realizing it was a poisonous one, bit him. So, she daubed it with iodine, hoping it would sting, and put a Curad on it and told him to stop whining.

Floyd managed to get the plumbing in good working order and everything seemed ok. Except Uncle Harvey kept sitting more and more sideways and then finally stopped sitting altogether. He was running a high fever and Aunt Hattie tried to get him to go see the doctor, but he wouldn't go. If old Doc Gregory had still been alive, he might have agreed, but Dr. Kiefer had taken over...Dr. Carolyn Kiefer...and Uncle Harvey wasn't about to show his butt to her.

He finally did agree to show it to Aunt Hattie again, and then she called in Floyd who told me that he had a hole in his butt the size of a golf ball. Floyd and Aunt Hattie made a bed of sorts for him in the back of the old DeSoto so he could lay on his side and drove him to Poplar Bluff to the clinic where they had a male doctor.

They put him on some kind of anti-venom medication and cut away some more of his butt to get all of the infected tissue out and packed the hole with something sort of turpentiney-smelling. It took him nearly two months to heal up enough so he was comfortable sitting down.

And what was it all about? Stupidity. Pure and simple. Stupidity and greed. He had plenty of money to pay a plumber. So he's spent the rest of his life being called Butthole. Which serves him right as far as I'm concerned.