Ten unsharpened pencils per employee should be enough for one month and one pencil sharpener per department per decade should suffice. Anything more is an encouragement to office theft.



We don't use pencils in our department. What we require are printer cartridges.



If you used pencils, you wouldn't need printers.



I'm supposed to sketch duplicate any documents that have to be reproduced, then? What about those memos you keep faxing around the office? Why can't you circulate a pencilled copy to all of us?



Items not in black ink on an official letterhead are not allowed.



Right. But you are not circulating the memos on official letterhead, no matter how much inkjet black you use. You are distributing a fascimile.



No, we're not. Look at the watermark.



You are printing out internal memos on watermarked letterhead and then turning around and griping at us about printer cartridges?



The watermarked letterhead is in our budget, because we requested it. The printer cartridges are not in your budget, because it wasn't approved.



Yet, we requested it.



And we denied it.



And to whom did you submit the request for the approved watermarked letterhead?



Ourselves.



That could explain many things. Do you have any idea what the purpose of this company is?



To pay our salaries?



Okay, listen very carefully. This company has customers. They deserve as much or more consideration from your department and ours as your department owes to ours, or to itself.



No. We don't deal with customers. We are not in customer service.



I will speak very slowly. If the customers are unhappy, then this company will lose them and you will lose your jobs.



I dare say they might be unhappy, if you are running around blaming us for something we are not directly involved in while not dealing with your own inability to please both us and the customers. Are you not in the Service department?



One last time. Everything in this company depends upon customer satisfaction. Anything that impedes that is a threat to the survival of the company.



Ooo, now you've done it. You've used the word "threat"! We are closing down the department and going home to consult with our lawyers. See what you busybodies can accomplish with us out of the loop!



Glad to. Hello, Eric. Would you mind changing the locks after this lot are gone?