Good evening.


It's afternoon.


Ah. Aren't we being taped for later airing?


No. This is going out right now.


Wow. I thought I was the only one doing that. You're not going to edit this?


Well, we do have a five second delay.


Sure.


Toidd, let me ask you a question that has been bothering a lot of people.


Shoot.


Many of your listeners are in their vehicles, correct?


That's what they tell me.


Right, because they call in to your show while they are driving.


Yep.


Um, isn't that illegal?


What?


Using a cell phone while driving.


Is it?


In many places, it sure is.


So, you're saying that the people who fill my air time should just stop and I should find something else to do or quite broadcasting entirely, because of a law?


Not entirely. You don't have a problem with people using a cell phone and listening to the radio while they are supposed to be paying attention to the road?


Why should I? I'm not on the road with them.


Eh. Right. And what do these people have to say?


What?


What do they talk about?


You don't know?


No, I don't.


You don't listen to my show?


No.


I thought everybody at the station did.


I can take a poll, if you like.


No, no. That's all right. If the most distinguished award-winning broadcast journalist that my station has on staff can't be bothered to listen to his colleagues, just to lend an ear of support to his fellow... *sob* I understand...


Well, see, it's not like that at all! I sleep in the afternoons and early evening.


See. That's what I mean.


No. I get up at 4:30 in the morning, did you know that? I bet you aren't lending an ear to me when I do the morning news, do you!


There's a morning news programme here?


For twenty-seven years!


With no music?


What?


No pop tunes, no celebrity interviews, no wet t-shirt contests?


Eh, not recently.


Ah. Well. See. At that time of morning, I'm watching cartoons.


Huh?


Research for an ongoing project.


Right. So, what do your callers talk about?


Stuff. Football. What the Spice girls are doing. Whether the Times should have a page 3.


You mean blather. No discussion of the news, current events, politics?


No. Nor literature, art or Morris Dancing and it's relationship to the Commedia Del'Arte.


Huh?


It's a talk program. People tune in to hear themselves and others like them.


Couldn't they do that at the pub, work, or home?


Not as anonymously. With me, they can speak their minds and no one will be the wiser.


That's what I'm beginning to think, also.


Right then. What do you want to talk about?


Huh?


Well. I'm the man everyone want's to speak their piece to on the air.
C'mon, out with it.


I think you are a twit.


Really?


Yes.

That's the best you can do?

Without a dictionary of modern invective, yes.