h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There ain't no such thing as a free lunch?Well actually there is and I can prove it.Picture the scene - Picasso the greatest artist of the 20th century is feeling a little bit peckish so he drops into a little restaurant and sits himself down to a great meal.He orders the works and enjoys his meal thoroughly.Uh oh..time to pay the bill.........but Picasso has no money.He has left his wallet at home.He is flat broke.Picasso sees the waiter eyeing him from a distance.Suddenly the waiter appears with the bill.'No tengo dinaro' says Picasso.'You have no money'? asks the waiter...the great Picasso is broke?.Well the waiter could hardly ask Picasso to do the dishes in the kitchen so what was to be done?'Uno momento' exclaims Picasso.'Give me the bill'.The waiter hands Picasso the bill.Picasso takes out his pen and signs the back of the bill and draws a pretty little flower.'There you are.'says Picasso.The waiter is delighted....the management is delighted.They have a bill signed by the great Picasso and he has drawn a delightful little still life scene on the bill as well.Effectively the bill is now worth more than the meal that Picasso had in the restaurant.Indeed the signed bill is now worth more than the restaurant.The waiter is delighted.He will sell the signed bill and divide the money he gets for it between himself and the other waiters and the management (maybe).There will be more than enough money to go round.So we can now say without fear of contradiction that there most definitely is such a thing as a free lunch...... if you're Picasso!

One need not be Picasso, one needs merely to dine habitually with those less celebrated or well-off than oneself. I have repeatedly observed that the man at a table least able to pay almost invariably grabs the cheque - apparently to avoid the appearance of leeching off his (supposed) betters. If you take care not to go to the same well too often (and take the precaution of first becoming known as rich or famous), you can have quite a number of free lunches, by simply gracing the less fortunate with your presence at lunchtime.