This is true.



Well, exactly what is "The Quiet Food Movement"?



It is an extension of the "Slow Food" effort that is now spreading around the world where ever people are trying to separate themselves from bad food prepared quickly, consumed quickly, so they can die more quickly.



So, with "slow food", they can eat it more leisurely and die more slowly?



You are putting words in my mouth. I will not say that, though some might.



Okay. Granted. So, the "quiet food"?



Well, when you go into a regular slow food restaurant, with prima donnas running the kitchen, no matter how serene the dining area may seem, every time a door into the service area is opened, you are startled with the sounds of the busy people beyond.



Yes...



Be quiet! In my restaurant, the food is prepared and the kitchen and service areas are functioning in a sedate and less noisome atmosphere. Thus, if the door between the service area and the dining room is opened, the diners are not distracted nor jarred.



Does this also improve the morale of the staff?



Who cares? All I am worried about is the effect it has on the customers and the food.



The food?



Yes. I believe empirically and emphatically that the atmosphere in which food is prepared is intrinsically effective on the ability of the food to satisfy the customer. Agitated food is not happy food.



How far are you prepared to carry this, um, thought or attitude?



Senor, it is a philosophy. I have extended this philosophy to the very harvesting of the vegetables, the herbs and the slaughtering of the cattle, rabbits, pheasants, pigeons, hogs, rock hens, ducks, geese, horses, kangaroos and emus. All of the foodstuffs that are quietly unloaded onto my serene docks for my kitchen have to be harvested and slaughtered and packed in the most dignified and quiet manner, otherwise the food suffers, the kitchen is disturbed and the customer is spiritually and intestinally unsatisfied.



How, um, refreshing. So, are the assorted animals sedated?



No. They and the slaughterers are equipped with earplugs for silence or headphones for the piping in of useful sounds or music.



How enchanting. What sort of music do you play in order to make the death and the carnage a more pleasant experience...



I did not say anything of pleasantness of the experience. All I said was of the quietness or reduced or changed noisomeness of the slaughtering.



So, while there is pain and possible suffering, blood and other substances...



This is the nature of the business of food, senor.



the fact that it exists in a world of silence or exchanged sound truly makes a difference?



I believe it to be so, yes, senor.



And your restaurant is successful in this endeavor to embody your philosophy?



Notice and acclaim is quietly building while my investors quietly bide their time.



How utterly...



Are you making fun of me?



Quite possibly.



To make people laugh?


Most certainly.



Laughter is noise and not allowed.



Snort!