h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A few days ago I thought I'd lost my glasses.
Actually, I hadn't and they were just in the bottom of my bag, under a piece of paper.
So I hadn't really lost tbem, I'd just forgotten their position due to clever camoflague (spelling) on their behalf.
Curse Artifical Intelligence!

I once lost my glasses for a period of several weeks. They were metal, something silver colored. For some reason, there was a six inch square of tin foil on my night table at the time. I think I was saving it for an art work of some sort. My night table, by the way, was not at that time near my bed. It turns out that the glasses had seen fit to blend in to the tin foil to annoy me. Curse artificial intelligence indeed.
I swear, glasses may someday take over this earth.

They're probably related to those infuriating Biros...

What are Biros? But they probably are related, no matter what they are.

You know, the ball-point pens. They migrate to another planet in the HHGTTG books...

Ah yes. The migrating pens. Also, thumb tacks migrate. On to the floor. It's painful.

Not as painful as when they migrate to bus seats, aided by 14 year olds with attitude problems.

I'm 14, so I feel like by nature I should perhaps resent that... or something. But, judging from my classmates, namely the ones who throw pennies at my head for not fearing them, I'd have to agree. Just please have faith that we're not all like that, and most of us either grow out of it or die young.

I'm sure you do.
After all, I remember the days when I used to roll tiny bits of spit-saturated paper and fire them at the backs of pupils heads through straws, on the bus.
Oh, wait, that was only last week...

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

Ah, but is growing old Mandy?
Is that even a real question? I'd love to tell you, but I'm afraid I'm mute.

Yes. It is. I think. (passes out on floor from clod medicine she just took)

[looks over shoulder. Prods unconcious body with broom.]

that WAS supposed to be cold medicine...
no, I'm all better now That cold medicine must've worked.

So it was just chance that it cleared your clod too?

Well, perhaps I when I took the clod medicine it cleared up my cold far better. But I think it helped my clod... If I had one...?

Only you can truly say if you had a clod... look into your heart. What does it tell you?

It tells me there's no place like home....and follow the yellow brick road...and pay no attention to the man behind the curtain....

No, wait, that's the voices in my head, expressing memories of when I was five and lved that movie. And the book. It's really telling me to use the force......

sorry. still a bit unfocused. I was drinking chocolate sauce(among other things) out of a shot glass last night. No alcohol though. I think.