So, you're the chap that wrote the Bible!



I don't know what you're on about, mate!


You are THE King James?


Well, AN King James. There were a few.


Okay. And the one that wrote the Bible was?


Um. I thought Moses and John and Luke and all them did that.


Well, yes, in a manner of speaking, but for four hundred odd years the King James Bible has been known as the preeminent Bible in the Englisch-shpeaking world. And you are he it is named after?


Hmm. Quite possibly. I remember putting some bothersome scholars to work on something or other. Kept them quite busy... And then some printer was on to me about a bill...


Ah, and then you...


And then there was this thing about me mother... God rest 'er 'ead... and the Scots wanting me to 'ang around all the time, when I'd 'ad just enough o'them in me early days. And the Irish, and the French and the and the and the...


SMECK

Erf.. Whaddadaja do dat fer?


Well, it seemed that you were working yourself into a royal tizzy...


Erm. I do believe that is my right.


How so?


I am a royal.


Um. Oops. Does this mean?


I'm afraid it does.


Ulp.


Eric!


sound of grown man running up and coming to attenshunYessuh, yer majester! Wot kin yi do fer yu!


Take this odd knave and take him to the irritating scholars. Tell them that I want this personage to translate "Caesar's Gallic Wars" from the original texts...


Um. Is that Latin?


Afraid it is.


Um. Donno any Latin.


Gad, what is education like in the future? Has it gotten that bad that they don't teach you any classical languages? How many languages have you got?


Um. Cockney, Brummy, Scouse, and...


Oh, shut up. Englisch is not a language, it is a gutter dialect of German and Anglo-Saxon. Everybody in their right mind knows that French will be the lingua franca of the future! Haha! I made a jest!


Haha!


You shut thy mouth. Eric!


Sah!


Make sure those irritating scholars teach him latin within the next week... and then have them teach him Welsh... that should be a good enough revenge on a fellow with no manners...


Yes, sah! Undt should I kip un aye on 'im, suh?


Sure. Why not. Why don't you learn to read a language or two yerself, Eric. Couldn't hurt, might help you get above yourself someday...


Ah, nah thank ya, suh, if it'll please yer magister... But when I play football, I normall stay back in ther pack, so I can help the side... un, reading, well, they ain't muh team... I'm more of a Manchester sort, meself, suh...


Uh. Shut up. Listen. Nevermind. When you have this knave delivered to the irritating scholars... uh, take the year off, okay?
Here, here's a year's pay. Happy? Good. Now, vamoose... Bye, knave!