IPR presents: Pithy Bits of Pianapple smothered in Magnesium Sulfate, or
Created | Updated Mar 26, 2004
Thought, Word and Creed
In today's modern sensibilities about liability, libelity, and liberty, the fact
that royalty, government and religion once shared the same level of authority,
sometimes vested in the same person, is a bit of a sticklering point.
The fact that this still holds true in a few forwards countries that most of us
englisch-shpeaking types do not live in is also a bit of a shock to those whose
education has not extended beyond a lifetime subscription to The Independent
or the local rag fed by the Associated Press or Knight-Ridder.
Yet, there are those who believe that that is not only the way that it should be,
but that that is the way it has always been.
The idea that since David was a King, Jesus was the King of the Jews of the House
of David (in a rather 'hands-off' manner), that James was either the brother or the
cousin of Jesus, and that, voila, the King James Bible is thus...
ipso splato, the culmination and the pinnacle and the finalization of all the preforthcoming...
...is all too
prevalent among people who can otherwise find their way to the loo at night,
tie their shoelaces without a diagram,
and chew gum and navigate a
tube station at the same time without disheveling their neurons too much.
Or, so I've heard.
Poppycock!
I beg your pardon!
It wouldn't be worth anything. I have no official capacity, beyond what the Guinness Book judges were able to find...
Now, look...
I don't have to. I've had blinders surgically applied.
Why?
So I can keep my eyes on the straight and narrow...
Isn't that known as "tunnel vision"?
Ah, no. Only if you also try to keep your eyes on the slightly above the horizon and just a bit below. Tried that. Made me eyes water something fierce!
My condolences.
You're welcome.
Now, I understand that you believe that the King James Bible is the Word of God as Handed Down to Mere Mortals, is that correct?
Absolutely, every word of it, except that "Mere Mortals" bit. We are not "mere", nor are we any longer "mortal" in the strict sense of the word.
So, then, you are "Exalted Immortals", then?
Nothing so pretentious as that. We are just representatives of the Kingdom Of Heaven On Earth, and as such are Emissaries of God's Holy Will...
You mean, as in "last will and testament"?
silence
Is there a problem?
I'm thinking. Sometimes you mere mortals talk too quick for me.
Ah. Let me know when you are ready.
Thanks.
silence
Um, we do have a programme to do here. The clock is ticking.
Ah. Sorry. Lost in thought. I got the "testament" bit, I've heard that word before, I think. It's the "last will and testament" as a whole that I am having to think on.
It was a joke.
Ah. It was? Sorry, I have no sense of humour.
Really? I couldn't tell. Anyway, you believe...
No, I know.
That the King James...
Authorized Version...
Is the Word of the Lord Handed Down to Inspired Personnel?
Yes.
And that no other version or translation carries the same weight?
Not sure what you mean. I believe, like many other right thinkers and followers of the Lord God Almighty, that the English words found within the pages of the Authorized Version are holier and closer to the mind of God than any pretender to same.
Ah. And the fact that it is in fact translated from such earlier languages as Latin, Greek, Hebrew, Aramaic...
Is a sign, that like Adam and Eve and the world before the deluge, sometimes the Lord doesn't get it right the first time, or, even better, sometimes we humans get in his way...
So, the KJV is the last word?
Yes.
And you read it in the original edition?
What?
You have, in your possession, for your personal study, a First Edition of the Authorized Version?
What do you mean, a "First" edition? There is only one!
What?
Edition!
Are you sure?
Are you calling me mum a liar?
Um, no. She told you that there was only one edition of the Authorized Version?
Not in so many words, but she didn't say there were more!
Perhaps she was unaware of them.
Are you callin' me mum stupid?
Um. No. But maybe she was unaware of the other editions.
What "other editions"?
There were corrections, printing errors removed and major changes in typeface and spelling in 1612, 1629, 1638,
1762, and 1769. You would not be able to read a first edition of the King James Version.
Why not?
It is in an ancient typeface, with archaisms in the spelling.
Nah! You're just saying that!
Eric!
Yessuh.
Show 'im.
Here. flop, flip
There!
What? That's not the KJV! That's not in Englisch!
Afraid so.
Nah. You're trying to trick me.
Look. Here on the frontispiece.
Oh... my...
Convinced?
This is awful!
Well. No. It's just Englisch as she were read four hundred odd years ago.
Nah! It means that the edition I've been reading has been preverted! I have blasphemed! Oh, thank you for letting me see the light! Can I have this?
Um, no, it is a bit of an expensive facsimile edition...
Hahahaha! Then you can have them fax you another! I am in possession of the TRUTH and I shall not let it...
Eric?
whomp... thud
Thank you.
Me pleasure.
What is that you whalloped him with?
A facsimile edition of the Bishop's Bible. Always carry it with me. Never know when you gonna need it. Nice heavy wooden binding...
I see. Good night, everybody!
Me, too!
