How to Become a Car Magnet!
Created | Updated Mar 10, 2004
Tired of running across roads and cars swerving or stopping?
Never seem to be able to get knocked down when you try? Never fear...! Now there is this easy to follow programme to help you become
the car magnet you've always wanted to be!
- STEP 1: Organise a night out with a friend1
- STEP 2: Find a very busy main road near your school
- STEP 3: Get your friend to say the words 'You cross first, then if anything is going to knock us over, it'll knock you over first!'
- STEP 4: Run across said busy road
- STEP 5: Get hit by a red car and fly 3 metres along the road2
- STEP 6: Your friend will now tell you to get up and stop messing around; try to obey this instruction, dislodging your ankle bone in the process.
- STEP 7: Have an argument with the ambulance men about how good Ricki Lake is
- STEP 8: Be allergic to anaesthetic
- STEP 9: Have your favourite trousers cut off
- STEP 10: Make sure a trainee does your X-rays, therefore pulling your obviously-broken leg around in ways it shouldn't be.
- STEP 11: Have bits of your shin bone removed and metal used to replace it with3
- STEP 12: Spend a couple of months on crutches and in a wheelchair
- STEP 13: Get knocked down a further 11 times in the next 5 years!
Congratulations! You are now a car magnet!
1Make sure to wear your favourite trousers.2Make sure that your friend does not witness this.3NB: You should be awake when this happens for added scream factor.
