London
Created | Updated Feb 23, 2005
London,
England,
Terra Firma(Earth),
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha:
Stay away.
If you enter you will immediately be barraged by salesmen attempting to convince you to purchase small furry objects in the shape of a Primate known as a teddy bear. These are, however, not ordinary Galactic toys. They are gimicked with an outfit representing a stereotype from English heritage(such as dressed as a guard protecting the country's almighty monarch, wearing an outfit of the game 'Cricket', wearing a dressing gown with a cup of tea, and so on). WARNING: Do not look directly upon these, as they have the uncanny effect of drawing you closer and closer, until you are convinced you must purchase one. It is believed that they were cursed by a Vogon princess who discovered that tourists considered clumps of dust they exerted nasally to be better looking than her. The strongest minded tourists can attempt to steer away quickly before before lured into temptation; the weakest minded can attempt to steer away without having purchased fifteen of these items.
If you have decided to visit London, and have escaped the souvenir stands with some remaining Earth money, you can attempt to find solace at a museum known as the "Tate Modern", where Homo Sapiens attempt to recreate the bloody battle scenes of the wars of ZZ9 Plural A Beta, where half of the area had been demolished within minutes of the proclamation of war, following a rather spiteful game of Truth or Dare. These items range from body parts of these Earth creatures to vehicles wrecked and planets disgraced. The earth people call these 'Art', which they use as a representation of Beauty. When traced to its home tongue on the legendary Magrathea, 'Art' translates roughly into 'Rubbish'.
There are many entertainment opportunities in London, one of which being a large building near the centre of London where humans tell smart jokes and witty anicdotes in the hope that they will become known nationwide. This place is commonly known as 'Parliament'. Other important entertainment oportunities are to dine with the country's almighty Monarch, formally known as 'Breakfast with the Queen'. One can get the chance to see her by throwing stones at the people inside the grounds of Buckingham palace, the Queen's house. By doing this, you are fulfilling a ritual of ancient times, and should one of the people catch sight of you, you will be instantly escorted to meet the Queen, then provided with a room to spend the night in free of charge. These rooms would be of particular interest to the Unkakas from Proxima Centauri, as they are dark and dingy to aid their mental progression, have hard beds to focus the minds, and contain only one window with metal bars to adjust the star Sol's rays to that of their home planet. To other life forms, however, these are not the first class compartments.
