Servings:

Once should be enough.

Ingredients:

1. Local Equivalent Of Water

2. An animal, vegetable or mineral

3. Stew pot (the utensil)

4. Stove that works.

Directions:

Facing the fact that you don't know what you're doing, light fire under stew pot full of Local Equivalent Of Water.

Once LEOW is boiling, introduce into the pot and the water whichever substance you have chosen to belabor during this procedure.

Put lid on stew pot.

Lower flame.

Rewatch video of Geraldo being slapped by his mother.

Lift lid on pot. If substance is still recognizable, replace lid.

Rewatch Luke and Laura's wedding to second commercial after Liz Taylor's first appearance.

Lift lid on pot. If substance is unrecognizable or LEOW is gone, turn flame off.

Using oven mitts, remove pot to back porch and set it down. Remove lid.

If dog will eat it, fine. If not, use to clean driveway or coarse woolens, as need arises.

Cooking time:

You weren't paying attention, were you?