h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Boston enjoys the reputation of being the hardest American city to drive in. While some reputations are just myths, Boston earned this one and continues to earn it every day.

Boston's streets are laid out haphazardly, without grids or logic. The main thoroghfairs are based on geography that no longer exists. Few roads are labelled. No lights are timed, but you'll be relieved to come across them as the alternative is a rotary, an idea that worked great in horse-and-buggy times and was kept everywhere for historic value. The largest road, called I-93 or "the expressway," is an elevated twisty curvy thing with stop-and-go traffic eight hours of the day. It is under constant construction as laborors struggle to replace the elevated highway with a mammoth tunnel underneath, the largest public works project in U.S. history. Indeed, all of Boston is awash with the construction of new tunnels, bridges, train lines and bus ways, none of which will be complete for another ten years, leaving no money left over to maintain the piles of shattered pavement people must drive on while they wait.

All of which would not be so bad if it were not for the other drivers. One might think that such adverse conditions would bring Boston's commuters closer together in the spirit of mutual suffering, if one were predisposed to that particular form of nonsense. In fact, Boston drivers are not just thoughtless but actually sadistic. When they force you off a rotary to send you in the wrong direction, or drive into the middle of an intersection knowing they're stopping three lanes of traffic for two minutes, or double park in front of the empty space you were just pulling into, they are actually enjoying the trouble they are causing. They are, after all, still angry about the six cruel and unusual acts other drivers just subjected them to.

The one thing that Boston drivers do not do is shoot at each other. It is unclear whether this stems from restraint on the part of the drivers or the knowlege that one cannot make a getaway with gridlock on all sides.

We could give you advice on driving in Boston along the lines of "don't look before merging, a car will only let you in if they know you can't see them" or "remember that the lanes, from right to left, are parking, double-parking, and breakdown." But here at the Guide we are concerned for your well-being, and would advise that the best way to drive in Boston is to avoid doing so entirely. Boston's public transit, while more charming than efficient, is quite cheap and covers a good area. If you should find yourself in a part of greater Boston that is not served by public transit, your best bet is to learn the ancient art of being happy where you are.

In reply to Driving in Boston, I would like to assure you that in Delaware, one MUST slow down at intersections when the light is fully green and one must also come to a complete stop when merging (what does that word mean?) onto a highway. Other well known rules of driving etiquette in Delaware include stopping in the middle of a one way, one lane street in order to carry on a conversation, making sure of course to be directly parallel to at least 3 empty parking spots...it also helps to know that driving three across on a 3 lane highway is sure to make everyone behind you very happy.

PS. I95 through Delaware is aka Delaware's parking lot (between the hours of 4:40-6:15 pm)