h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Actually, Israeli drivers are very nice, cooperative and mellow. They just dont know it yet. Therefore, it is your duty to inform them of this fact. However, do keep in mind that they have a shortcoming, namely lack of long-term memory. In fact, they lack memory at all. The result of this is that one must inform them quite regularly and with relish, using every available method, be it vocal, verbal, or obscene, as is deemed fit.

A typical scene on an Israeli road might include three cars driving side-by-side in a two lane highway. How did they reach such an intriguing position? Simple. The highway was originally a three-lane speedway about 3 kilometers ago. Due to the inherent cooperative spirit of Israeli drivers, all three tried to give way simultaneously. However, due to their competitive nature, not one of them was willing to lose and get in front of the other two. The fact that they were all pushing their gas pedal to the floor, cursing and making obscene gestures as soon as the third lane started merging into the second is purely incidental. They only did it because roadsigns in Israel are not always of the highest quality, and in this case there was an upturned deer-crossing sign in the place of the merging lane sign. Backwards. They were simply trying not to run over any deer, an animal that frequently and recklessly crosses speedways. In Finland.

The only traffic law enforced in Israel is the Police-Watch-Inhibitory. This rule requires all drivers to constantly look for Police officers in possession of Laser-Guns hiding near roads in bushes, behind bus stations and inside sewer holes. This leads to the rather unfortunate situation where most Israeli drivers never look at the road itself. Blind driving is therefore the most valuable skill a driving inclined tourist coming to Israeli should possess. In order to practice this skill at home, you should gather about 20 of your friends in a parking lot, preferably one with lots of obstacles, blindfold everyone, and then drive around for 15 minutes at triple digit speeds. Whenever a crash occurs, the two drivers should immediately get out of their cars and scream at each other at the top of their lungs. In case both drivers have the same vocal capabilities, knives are allowed and are in fact encouraged as tie breakers.