h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Moses was brought up in the Royal egyptian household, he was educated to the highest standards and became a high ranking officer in pharaohs army, gaining much wealth and credibility. it could be said that Moses had great ambitions and considered himself becoming a living God, a Pharoah but this was not to be, the high priest's would never allow a man with the mark of the circumcision to be a King of Egypt.Much dillusioned, he took sollace from mixing with his own kind, the Islaelites.After commiting murder, he fled into the land of Midian and took a wife. many years later, when he heard of the death of Pharoah, Moses returned to Egypt and carried out a plan that he had been hatching while in exile. His plan was to take the 80,000 islaelites out of Egypt and rule them as a King in his own right.

The isrealites would not listen to Moses because he had the tongue of an Arab so he chose Aarron as his mouthpiece, a man who was admired by his own kind. Moses instructed Aarron to tell the tribe to go and hide in the area of Isthmus of Suez, a vast marshy land. when they got there, the people complained because the waters were foul and it was not a place to spend too much time in. Moses was a brilliant tactician and knew that it was the only place where they would stand a chance against the pharohs mighty army. When the 600 chariots caught up with them, they charged headlong into the tribe but the wheels of the chariots quickly became bogged down in the soft wet earth, this gave the tribe time to escape on foot moving from one dry spot to another. On looking back at the chaos of horses, soldiers and chariots flailing about in the filthy boggy waters, Moses knew they could make there escape and many years later when he wrote his account of the exodus, he changed the details of the event which is known today as "The Parting of the waters"

The Isrealites complained many times during the first year of wandering across the dessert, some said "in egypt, we were beaten and made to work hard but we did have food every day" It was now time for Moses to play his master card, he needed an orthority that would keep the tribe in check. At this time, the Isrealites were worshipping a whole collection of idols and gods, the Golden Calf being the most favoured. To bring the tribe together in their beliefs, Moses created the same conditions that he had learned from the Egyptians, ie, a superior god that only the leader could come into contact with and a list of rules that must be obeyed.
On his return from a time alone up a mountain, he produced 10 tablets of instructions and with Aarron at his side, they were able to control his people quite easily. (Archealogists have discovered that these tablets were made from clay and were inscribed with a sharpened stick)The tribe wandered for the next 40 years, sometimes killing every man, woman, child and beast in the villages they came across. In one such small town, they killed over 3000 people. Moses instructed the slayers to stay outside the camp for seven nights and wash their swords and clothes of the victims blood after which they would be forgiven, "This is the word of the lord" said Moses.