h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There are regional variations too my Newcastle born sister in law says
Spelk for splinter (like in your finger).

Calling someone a tart is a sign of affection not an insult. Thanks you old tart!

Trollop hussey slag slut
she is a bit of a tracey

He is a wanker

Clothes - I am going to put a woolly on

Having the immense good fortune to have started life in Suffolk (Bury St Edmunds), then lived in South London (Woops! Surrey), and now living in Bristol I've picked up quite a few expressionbs impenetrable to outsiders.
In Suffolk 'together' means 'you all' as in 'how are ya togither?' A daft girl is a 'grit mawther' and we use 'do' in a very special way: e.g. I 'ouldn't put that there, do you'll ketch it (ie be in trouble!)'. The negative version is, naturally, 'don't'as in 'I'd apologise now, don't she'll give you what-for!'. Now you'll be able to interpret this conundrum:
Q. Where's that ladder gorn?'
A. Well, that do stand agin the barn door, do that did do.

She's a bit or a Sharon..

grockel (??sp) - North Devon term for tourist (aka durty furriner = anyone from more than 20 miles away)

drang - North Devon term for a very narrow laneway

emmett - Cornwall term for tourist, also means ant - applied to tourists due to their propensity to swarm over things in a manner similar to a disturbed ants nest

Amusing street names - in Appledore (N Devon) the lane at one end of the seafront is 'Lane End'. The name of the lane at the other end of the seafront is 'Other Lane End'. Obvious really.

;^)#

In Cheshire you might get "Hows thee sen", meaning how are you.

I've always been particularly fond of offcomdens meself - ie people who havent lived in your village or town for at least 30 years

"theesen " for "thyself" is alive and well further abroad than Cheshire, quite widely in Northern England, in fact. Heard near Barnsley (Yorkshire) two summers ago from early teeenager to his friend: "Dirty booger, tha's got moock on thee kecks, tha'll have to wesh theesen!". Honest.

Hodmedod

30 years you'll be lucky. Recently I was in a village in Somerset (I had an electric torch with me so they made me god type of place) Where as the direct descendent of a one time resident I was welcomed as a local. The person i was visited who has lived in the community since 1912 is still regarded as a durty forener