The h2g2 Poem (Len)
Created | Updated May 4, 2006
The Boffin
Now Boffin Brown (whose mighty brain
Could sometimes even forecast rain);
Who moved in worlds beyond our ken,
And had no time for foolish men.
His wife, he felt, was not too bright,
And mostly needed putting right;
Would not attempt appreciation
Of inverse square law of gravitation.
And every day he'd do his best
To make his knowledge manifest.
For formuli he'd draw her graphs,
But her response was nervous laughs.
For weeks he tried to show her how
Energy equalled MC squared;
But in the end he had to bow,
His young wife hadn't even cared.
So when she told him, 'In my heart,
I know life's more than stop and start,
And feel there's purpose underlined,
In what goes on inside my mind.'
No mystery there, the boffin said;
Mathematics makes it clear,
Inside our bodies, engines red,
Our brains, computers, dear.
It's useless thinking there's a soul,
Dissection for a year
Could never find a trace of one;
We work like clockwork, dear.
And as for love, the thing you think,
Parts men from creatures mere,
Its algorithms, x + y,
When y's a quantum, dear.
You see, the particles we are,
Although you'll think it queer,
Exploded out of nothingness,
At time of 'big bang', dear.
To subject change, his wife declared,
'T'would better be if you really cared,
About the things around you, dear,
Instead of playing with sums so drear.
'For example, I will give you dear,
The particles on your collar here;
I fear they make it very clear
You've only changed it once this year.
And as for relativity, here,
Just you look o'er the fence, my dear;
Our neighbours' lawn is nicely mown,
While ours is badly overgrown.
